The Opening of the Pandorica
by Silver Lined Spero
Summary: Set after 'Waters of Mars'. The Doctor's enemies, frightened of the Time Lord Victorious, comes together to lock him inside the Pandorica. After two thousand years, Jack Harkness comes across and opens it to find the Doctor weakened, scared and impossibly confused. And that's when Rose comes back.
1. Chapter 1: Found

**A/N: What if the Tenth Doctor's song ended in a different way after the events on Mars? The universe locks up the last Time Lord in the Pandorica, and he ends up being imprisoned for two thousand years. When Torchwood finds him again, he's a different man; scared, shy, timid, traumatized, and impossibly confused. Will the Doctor's friends be able to restore him back to himself? Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**#1**

Mars. That's where everything started.

He'd pushed himself too far—trying to change a fixed event, even attempting to get the Laws of Time into his own hands. He failed, but this didn't go unnoticed. All across time and space, some recognized the signs that the Doctor was turning into a Time Lord Victorious, threatening the Time itself. And they were frightened.

Thus came the day when the Judoons, the Shadow Proclamation, the Silurians, the Cybermen, the Sontarans all came together to form an Alliance against him.

A prison was prepared; a perfect holding cell for a dangerous creature. It was shaped like a box, and was called 'Pandorica'. Together they lured, trapped, and imprisoned the Doctor. His eyes were wide with terror, and he kept struggling and shouting as he was dragged over and locked into place.

"No, please! You can't do this! You don't have to, I'm sorry, you know I'd never, I—"

"I'm sorry, Doctor, but we can't take risks with you," the Architect of the Shadow Proclamation replied in a curt voice. She turned away and ordered in a loud voice. "Close the Pandorica."

"NO! No, no, no, no, _no_…" the Doctor's voice died out as the Pandorica closed, leaving him alone in that utter, terrible darkness. Despair rose in his heart. He knew that the prison cell would keep him alive for all eternity to come. And worse, there was no one to rescue him; not anymore.

Crying out softly, he struggled against the restraints in vain. Then he slumped back onto his chair, feeling his heart sink.

_All my fault,_ a voice whispered in his head. _Perhaps he deserved it._

He shook his head vigorously, trying to shake the thoughts away. He coughed slightly, trying to figure out a way to get out. _Then back to the TARDIS, and… damn_! He cursed silently as he realized that the sonic screwdriver won't work from the inside of the Pandorica. Well, whatever. He can't reach it anyway. He sighed.

_Weeks, months, years, centuries passes by. Soon, time loses its meaning, and his sanity starts to bleed out. Memories blurs together. Sometimes he dreams— dreams of Jack, Rose, Martha, Mickey, Sarah Jane, and Donna. Sometimes, he sees Adric die all over again. Sometimes, he is an old man, traveling with his granddaughter. Sometimes he's alone. And that's when it gets from bad to worst. _

_He's still haunted by the beats of four, and he can clearly see Adelaide Brooke staring at him with accusing eyes. And he'd wake up gasping, a sob caught in his throat. With all the previous anger and confidence gone, all he's left with is guilt and regret. _

_His limbs are numb. He forgets what light is like. _

_He can't remember his name. He's got so many, it's confusing. _

_He laughs. _

So he sat there, in that lonely box under the relics of Stonehenge. He sat there till he forgot himself, forgot how to run, forgot the excitement and beauty of the universe. But he never forgot the faces of his friends, for they were the ones that kept him fighting— fighting on and on against all that darkness.

Until the day Pandorica opened.

* * *

"Jack," Gwen's voice called out impatiently. "Jack!"

"Huh?" Jack groggily asked back, rubbing his eyes. Then he adds in a voice a bit too bright. "What? Another alien invasion?"

Gwen rolled her eyes before sighing.

It had been only two weeks since the day Earth was stolen from its place by the Daleks— and it had left a _lot _of work to do for Torchwood. Those two weeks following the near-apocalypse was maddening. Busy. Well, both. No wonder Captain Jack was dozing off. Giving him a pat on his shoulder and a tired smile, Gwen said in a cheerful voice.

"No, not an invasion this time. But I bet this one's going to be a good one. Come on, take a look."

"Oh, really?"

Jack raised his eyebrows skeptically before skimming through the files. Then he abruptly started laughing out loud. "Pandorica? Are you sure? The legendary box containing the most dangerous, terrible, fearsome creature in the universe… was found under the _Stonehenge?_ Oh, come _on_, Gwen."

"And we found the TARDIS right next to it," Gwen added promptly. Jack's jaw dropped open at this.

"… Oh. Well, _that _makes things different."

"See?" she smirked , crossing her arms. "Ianto's already out there. Are you coming or not?"

"Of course I'm coming!" Jack grabbed his gun, just in case, along with his sonic blaster. Grabbing his World War II greatcoat and putting it on, he bounded forth in excitement. He hadn't expected to see the Doctor so soon. And it wasn't even an apocalypse! He hummed happily as he got into the car with Gwen and started the engine.

The mystery of the Pandorica, plus a fun day of running with the Doctor. What could possibly go wrong?

* * *

"It's locked," Ianto said. Jack frowned in puzzlement as he traced the surface of the familiar blue police box with his fingers.

"No," he said. Circling the TARDIS, he repeated once more in disbelief. "No, it's not just 'locked'. It's locked, empty, Doctor-less, and dusty. That's bad. That's, that's— _wrong_. How can a _TARDIS_ get dusty?"

"Perhaps he went somewhere," Gwen suggested, not knowing the Doctor as well as Jack. "I don't know, a relaxing trip on Earth…"

"The Doctor's never going on a 'relaxing trip', as far as I can see. Not without his TARDIS," Jack said stubbornly. Then he turned around and sighed, shrugging. "Well, I've got no idea. I guess we'd have to wait for him. Now, to business, folks."

He walked up to the Pandorica. Alien engravings stretched across the smooth surface, and an eerie, sad feeling echoed from within. Feeling a chill run down his spine, Jack stepped back. _A telepathic creature, then_, he concluded before bringing out his sonic blaster. _A sad, telepathic, dangerous creature. Funny._

"Jack?" Gwen asked in an alarmed voice as he aimed his sonic blaster—the one the Doctor had called 'the Squareness Gun' at the box. He smirked at the thought. Ianto stepped forth.

"Sir, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to open this."

"_What?_" Gwen seemed alarmed at the idea and grabbed his arm. "Jack, I don't think that's a good idea. The stories said that there was a dangerous thing locked up in there. What if we let it loose?"

"What if we don't open this?" Jack asked back, not taking his eyes off the Pandorica, still holding the gun firmly in his hands. "Should we wait till it breaks out someday, when we are not looking? Gwen, I know you're scared, but I have a feeling that we've got to do this— _have_ to do this. Now, better be quick. Get your guns ready."

"…Although I have a very strong feeling that this is a very stupid idea, Jack," Ianto sighed as he got out his gun and aimed it straight at the box. "I guess we don't have any choice."

Gwen hesitated before stepping back and hurriedly pulling out her own gun. Jack glanced back at them and grinned.

"Okay, here we go. Three, two, one."

He pushed the trigger, and a sonic wave erupted from the end of the blaster. The surfaced of the Pandorica glowed green and blue for a split moment as the sonic wave hit it. Ianto tensed visibly as a loud, banging noise echoed from within the box. And then the Pandorica opened. Jack backed away a few steps, lowering his gun, squinting to see through the brilliant white light.

He couldn't believe his eyes.

The sonic blaster fell onto the floor with a clattering noise, but he didn't make any move to retrieve it. Ianto's eyes widened, and Gwen's breath hitched as she recognized the man sitting in that box, the one that was supposed to be the most dangerous creature in the universe.

"Doctor?" Jack gasped, taking in the ruffled brown hair, the skinny body, the pinstriped suit, Converse trainers, and a long brown coat.

The man, still not freed from his restraints, slowly lifted his head at his name, and gazed back at the immortal Captain. He stared for a long time, and then a spark of recognition lit up in his old, brown eyes. A weak smile floated up to his lips.

"Ah, yes, I guess that was my name. Almost forgot," he said in a quiet, hoarse voice. "Thank you for that. Just one question: What's your name? I'm sure I know you, but you know, after a thousand years or so, things get a little blurry. Are you Pete? Adric? Ian Chesterton? Mickey? …No? Well, let's see. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, I get it. Are you…." He leaned forward, grinning happily. "Captain Jack Harkness?"

Jack could only gape at the Time Lord.

**A/N: Read and review! My other stories are on hiatus because I'm preparing for university, but I promise that I'll never, ever abandon them. I'll get back to them in a few months or so. Anyway, please tell me how you like this story :)**


	2. Chapter 2: Gone Too Far

**A/N: Thank you for reviewing :) The Doctor's mind is more broken than he thinks. Jack moves him to Torchwood and calls Martha.**

**Chapter Two**

"Doctor?" Jack breathed in disbelief as the Time Lord eyed him back curiously. He took in the sight of the sonic screwdriver rolling on the floor, the disheveled hair… but what really shocked him were the eyes. Those _empty,_ sad eyes.

"He's the Doctor, Jack. But how?" Ianto asked, staring at the portable scanning device that he had whipped out from his pocket. The X-ray screen showed two hearts beating steadily in the alien's chest. Gwen slowly lowered her gun.

"Can you scan his brain with that thing, too? I don't think he's alright, he looks…" she paused, looking for the right word. "Confused."

"I'm not confused!" the Doctor cried indignantly, tilting his head back and letting his brown hair fall back. "I'm perfectly fine, aside from the fact that I'm probably dreaming all of this. Which is good. Quite nice, actually; didn't know I was capable of remembering what light was like. Anyway, not confused. Nope. And oh, _oh,_ I remember you!"

A loony grin floated onto his lips as he leaned forward in the direction of Gwen. "You're that Cardiff girl named Gwenyth! I met you, you and that Charles Dickens… he was a good man," he said gleefully. Gwen scrunched her nose in confusion.

"Uh, no, I'm not Gwenyth. I'm Gwen. And I'm sure I haven't met Charles Dickens."

"Huh, funny," the Doctor mused, leaning back. "Never had someone arguing back in my dreams before. But then, I guess…"

His language slipped into Gallifreyan as he babbled on, his voice like music and a distant look in his eyes— but it seemed that he didn't even notice the change. Jack clenched his teeth. Something was very, very _wrong._

"Hey, Doc, get yourself together," he said, marching forth and grabbing the Time Lord's hand. He continued in a firm voice. "This isn't a dream. We're all here. We'll get you out. See, you can feel my hand, right? I'm real, Doctor." With that, he squeezed his fingers, praying that the warm, solid feeling of his fingers would be enough to bring him back to his senses.

The Doctor's babbling voice trailed away, and he blinked a few times before slowly realizing what was really going on. He lifted his head painfully slowly, and looked up at Jack's face in awe and disbelief.

"….Not dreaming?" he wondered.

Jack nodded.

"Light? Real light? Free?"

He nodded again.

"Wow. That's… wow," the Time Lord said, looking stunned. "That's a lot to take in."

"What happened to you, Doctor?" Jack asked in a soft voice, taking another step forward. He could see the inside of the Pandorica— there was nothing except the restraints and alien carvings. He gulped painfully as he picked up the sonic screwdriver rolling on the floor and unlocked the restraints. "How long have you been in there?"

The Doctor smiled weakly as he lifted his hands and rubbed the sore wrists.

"Wellll… I don't really remember. Lost count a long time ago. Maybe a thousand years? What year is it, Jack?"

"2008," Jack answered automatically, even as he felt a sickening feeling well up in his stomach. _A thousand years?_

The Doctor grinned even _more_ cheerfully at that— a grin that seemed a bit too vacant. "That long? Brilliant," he said in a soft voice, frowning. "I guess that makes me… two thousand, eight hundred and fifteen years old, give or take a decade or two. Yup. I've been here for one thousand, nine hundred and eight years."

Jack clenched his fist until his knuckles turned white. Ianto paled considerably, and Gwen forgot how to breathe for a second. No wonder the Time Lord wasn't quite himself. Frankly, it was amazing that he had some sanity left in himself at all. Two thousand years of utter solitude, unable to move a muscle, locked up in the darkness, conscious all the time?

It must have been like hell.

Jack's jawline tightened, and his voice was dangerously low as he asked the Doctor.

"Who did this to you?"

The Doctor glanced up at Jack, and a flash of pain crossed his eyes, making him look like he was back to himself for a split second. But as soon as it appeared, it was gone, and his eyes were empty again.

"Does it matter?" he asked in a tired voice, struggling to get up. He stood on his feet, wobbling unsteadily for a moment, before losing his balance and collapsing down onto the floor. Jack's eyes widened in alarm.

"Doctor!"

"Don't worry, I just forgot how to walk," he gasped out, rolling back onto his back. "Wasn't expecting this to happen. I should have known."

"Ianto, get a stretcher," Jack commanded immediately, and Ianto nodded before sprinting away. The immortal Captain leapt forward and knelt down next to the Time Lord, and Gwen quietly joined him. She took the Doctor's wrist in her hand, and she couldn't help but notice how fragile he was.

He was a different man from the one in Jack's stories. So _broken._

Jack blinked as the Doctor's body suddenly shuddered. The Time Lord was shaking his head slightly, and speaking in a low, strained voice, his eyes closed tight and his shoulders tense.

"I can feel _everything,_" he hissed out in pain. "I couldn't feel anything for a thousand years, and suddenly I can feel everything. The turn of this planet, the time ticking by, one, two, three, four, the timelines, converging together and splitting somewhere, oh, the light, the TARDIS, she's alive. And they're— they're so _much!_"

"Doctor?" Gulping, the Captain took the Doctor's hand into his and started speaking in a gentle voice. "Doctor, it's okay. You'll be okay. We'll fix you. Just sleep for now. Ianto will bring a stretcher," he faltered, glancing at Gwen. He tilted his head towards the Doctor, and Gwen nodded.

_Sedate him. That will make things easier for the Doctor. _

The Doctor didn't even seem surprised when he felt a sharp needle suddenly pricked his neck. In fact, it seemed that he hardly felt anything at all. His eyes drifted shut, and his labored breathing calmed down as his body went limp. Jack caught his body, and Ianto helped him move the unconscious Time Lord onto the stretcher. Gwen watched the entire process silently.

"What now?" she asked, getting back onto the black van. Jack closed his eyes.

"Let's go back to Torchwood and run some scans. We might be able to do something," he said in a heavy voice. "Oh, and Ianto, don't forget to take the TARDIS and that damned Pandorica thing with us."

"Should I call Martha?" Gwen asked, going through her phone. Jack smiled a little; that was a good idea, although he wasn't sure how he should break the news to her.

"Good thinking, Gwen Cooper. Tell her that she's needed at Torchwood, and it's about the Doctor. Bringing Mickey Mouse and Sarah Jane along would be nice, too."

He glanced back at the Doctor, who was sleeping peacefully in the back seat, and let out a long sigh as Ianto started the engine. The Doctor didn't seem too insane or broken, and that's what worried him the most. The vacant eyes, the empty smile. A man imprisoned for a thousand years shouldn't be able to smile.

It would have been better if the Doctor was yelling angrily or crying in grief. But no, he was _smiling_. It was as if he had run so far away from reality that he couldn't even notice his own pain. Too far.

And Jack didn't know what to do.


	3. Chapter 3: On the Other Side

**Chapter Three: **

_**On Both Sides of the Universe**_

* * *

In hindsight, everything was a huge mistake.

_"I'm part human. Specifically, the aging part. I'll grow old and never regenerate. I've only got one life, Rose Tyler. I could spend it with you, if you want."_

_"You'll grow old at the same time as me?"_

_"Together."_

A mess.

Rose stood, dazed, looking down at the gravestone. A breeze swept through her hair, tickling her face, making her ears numb from the cold. The man she thought she could love was lying right beneath the soil. Dead. Gone. A horrible emptiness gnawed at her heart incessantly. No grief, sadness, nor pain. Just... empty.

Three weeks. The human Doctor lasted three weeks. Three weeks _together_, period. End of story. That was it. A cruel joke of the universe. John Theta Tyler- previously the Doctor, _her_ Doctor- was gone, just like that.

Everything seemed to be going well. They warmed up to each other, got a flat for themselves, laughed and joked and kissed. Rose accepted that John was the same man as the Doctor. John got a fake name and found a job- albeit reluctantly- at Torchwood. Anger would dissolve from his dark brown eyes when he gazed into hers. They started growing the Tardis coral. It was perfect. Was.

But, apparently, a human body couldn't sustain the mind of a Time Lord for long.

At first it was a light fever, and John was sullen, complaining that his humany-wumany body couldn't cope with a simple cold. But a week passed, and everything went downhill.

He was burning up. Rose tried to comfort him, telling him to keep fighting, and 'everything will be okay'. But he knew better. Looking up at her with wide, terrified eyes, he whispered that he was sorry. That he loved her. And then, like a light flicking off, he was gone.

Gone.

"Rose..." Jackie gave a comforting squeeze on her daughter's shoulder. Rose turned around, a faint smile on her lips. She shrugged, trying to reassure her mother.

"I'm fine, mum."

"I know you aren't," Jackie said softly, her eyes sad. She gave a light pat on her daughter's back. "Come in for a cuppa."

With that, Jackie turned around and walked away, wiping tears off her face. She'd lost her husband before; she knew these things couldn't be helped much. All they could do is wait for time to heal. ...Time.

Ironic, really. Time took everything from her. And everyone kept saying that time will heal her. Rose knew it was a blank lie. She hugged herself tightly. She knew things won't get better, oh, never. Without him to hold her, things would never be the same.

"Tell me this is a dream," Rose murmured. "Please, Doctor."

She paused for a moment, looking up at the cold blue sky, waiting for an answer. Of course, nothing came. She hesitantly raised her hand, wiped a few stray tears from her cheek. And she let out a weak chuckle.

"I know. I'm being foolish, aren't I? If you were here, you'd tell me to have a fantastic life. Keep on fighting, keep on going. You are right... that's what I have to do." She bit her lips and smiled tearfully. Her voice broke. "...But I can't. Not without you. Doctor, come back. Doctor... _please_."

Rose broke down on the spot and started sobbing.

She knew it wasn't the Doctor's fault- neither of them would have seen this coming. She didn't hate him for it. Quite the contrary, she was glad that the other one- the one in her original universe didn't know about this. Didn't know how broken she was. She didn't want him to see this. She didn't want him to worry.

"We've parted paths, and I know we can't run together anymore. But I do hope Donna's doing a good job of looking after you. I hope that you are too busy to think about me. And I mean it," she whispered, burying her face to her hands, this time to the Doctor in her original universe. A pause. And,

"...But I miss you."

_If I can find a way back to you, I will go. No matter how dangerous it is. Even if it means leaving my family behind. I miss you. I miss John, and he's gone. I miss Mickey, Jack, the Powell Estate, my friend Shareen, the sky without zeppelins. I miss that universe._

She rubbed her swollen eyes, and then took in a deep breath. She bid farewell to the man under the gravestone, and started walking the other way. She was going to visit her empty flat before going back to her mother's house. Days before his death, John had been working on something. With sorrowful eyes he had wrapped it up carefully. Rose needed to find out what his last gift to her was, before starting to pick up the pieces of her life.

Her thoughts flickered back to the Doctor. Rose's lips trembled. She was going to go back to him. She was going to make it. And until then-

_Please be okay, _she thought_._

* * *

"How are you feeling today?" Jack asked, trying to keep his voice even. A loony, empty grin floated onto the Time Lord's lips as he struggled to sit upright.

"Fantastic, brilliant, molto bene. Molto bene! What does that mean? I think I used to know..." his voice trailed off, uncertain. The Doctor frowned briefly before giving up on his thoughts and smiled again. "Anyway, loved the breakfast. A nice reminder that I'm not dreaming right now. Love the eggs. Eggs-terminate. No, I hate them." He paused. "...What was I saying?"

Wrong. All wrong. _What happened to you? Where are you now?_ Jack took in a deep breath, trying to rein in his emotions. He lifted a hand to stroke the soft brown hair. He smiled.

"You were talking about breakfast."

"Ah, breakfast. Did I mention that I loved that- that white-and-yellow thing?"

"They are eggs, Doctor. You just said so a minute ago. And yes, you did say that you loved them."

"Oh..." the Doctor shrugged nonchalantly. Then he beamed. "So! What's up for today? I want to take a walk. Love the walk. Running's even better. But I don't think I can walk anymore."

"Don't worry, Doc; I've got a rolling walker for you. You'll be able to walk with this. Consider this as a Time Lord rehab," Jack grinned faintly, pulling the walking aid into view.

"Ohh, this is wonderful! Brilliant humans," the Doctor said happily, pushing himself to his feet. He wobbled for a moment, but he was able to take a few slow steps forward. He didn't fall. The Doctor laughed, delighted, looking up at Jack like a little boy waiting to be complimented. "Look, Jack! I'm not falling!"

"That's nice. Really nice. You're getting better fast," Jack managed to smile again. He watched as the Doctor- a hollow shell of the hyperactive man he used to be- start walking around the room very slowly, immersed in the very act of it. His heart ached briefly.

-Who did this to you, Doctor?

_Does it matter?_ The Time Lord had answered in a tired voice. And when he woke up from the sedative, the first thing that came out of his mouth was, _It's all my fault. I'm sorry_. After that, he asked in a slurred, sleepy voice: _I did deserve it, didn't I?_

_No_, Jack thought, his fist clenched. You are the last person in the universe to deserve something like that, Doctor. He closed his eyes tight for a moment before snapping them open again. The Doctor was staring at him, looking curious. Jack smiled again.

"And guess what, Doc?" he paused for a moment, wishing that the Doctor would give him a glare and tell him off for calling him 'Doc'. Of course, no such thing happened. He sighed wistfully and added, pronouncing every word slowly and carefully. "Sarah Jane is coming to visit you today. Martha and Mickey's coming tomorrow. Remember them?"

"Sarah?" the Doctor blinked. He frowned. "Was that the one whom I kidnapped at the junkyard?"

"No-"

"Oh, oh, wait. Wait a sec," the Time Lord murmured, whipping around. Confusion clouded his eyes as he racked his brain for information. The thing was, the memories were all there, but he couldn't... just... piece them together. Nothing made sense. He vaguely knew that it was partly because he didn't want to remember. The Doctor blinked a few times. His fist clenched and unclenched. The world seemed to be spinning, again, his vision getting out of control. Darkness, the fear and pain and regret, years of confinement was reclaiming his consciousness.

One thing he knew. He didn't want to be the Doctor anymore.

Sharp pain exploded in his head, and he reeled. Jack hastily caught his body as the Time Lord's knees gave out and peered into his eyes. They were pools of dark brown, heavily dilated. The Doctor seemed to be zoning out. Having a panic attack.

"Doctor? Doctor, it's all right. I've got you. Doc-"

"Don't call me that," the Doctor gasped. He blinked extremely fast. Pupils expanding and shrinking. He added breathlessly, despair and confusion battling in his head, making him unable to think clearly. "I- need- I, I don't know. Where is my scarf? Sarah Jane. I wear scarves and hats when I'm with her, don't I? Scarf. I need one."

"Calm down. It's okay, all right, no one's here to hurt you..." Jack's voice trailed off. He didn't know what to say to soothe the panicking Time Lord. So, instead, he held him in place till the Doctor stopped hyperventilating. Seemingly calmed down a little, he quickly gulped a few deep breaths and looked up at his friend. A childlike confusion in his eyes.

"...What just happened? Jack? Oh, yes." A faint grin. "Muffler? Scarf? Anything? Jelly babies, that's a nice one."

"...Doctor."

Jack's face dropped. Despair heaved in his heart. And at that moment, he realized that the arrival of Sarah Jane, Mickey and Martha won't be able to help the Time Lord. He was too far away. Gone forever. Jack couldn't help him. He wouldn't give up, oh, never- but deep in his heart, he knew that no one in this universe could bring the Doctor back.

And the only one with any hope of doing so was in another universe.

* * *

**Read and Review! :) Long Time No See...**


	4. Chapter 4: Denial and Breakdown

**#4**

"She's here, sir," Ianto announced, striding through the entrance of the Torchwood Hub. Jack jumped forth in relief as Sarah Jane was led into the place. She smiled, waving her hand.

"Hello, Jack. Oh, this place is amazing. I'd love it if there weren't so many guns around here."

"Thanks. And may I say- you are still looking good, ma'am." Jack winked flirtatiously. Ianto gave him a hard look. Sarah laughed and shook her head.

"Won't work in a million years."

"Aww, but it was worth a try, wasn't it?" Jack glanced at Ianto and chuckled. "Okay, okay, fine. I'll drop it. Honestly, you're a tad bit too possessive."

"Maybe I am," Ianto replied. Jack smirked quickly and turned around to face Sarah.

"Well, I'll keep that in mind. Anyway. How have you been? Anything fun?"

"Oh, nothing much. Luke was almost hit by a car, but he's fine. That will teach him to be more careful when he's crossing roads," Sarah Jane shrugged. "He'll be able to take care of himself for a few days. So- here I am."

"Well, I'm glad you are here," Jack said. Sarah blinked, surprised by the lack of cheerfulness in his voice. All of a sudden, he sounded... _tired_. Old. Something was off.

She carefully gazed at the immortal Captain's face.

After the day of the Dalek Invasion, the Doctor's past companions- except for Donna Noble, of course- would meet up from time to time to exchange news, bond together, etc. Martha, Mickey, Jack Harkness, Sarah Jane Smith were sometimes joined by people like Jo Grant or Ian Chesterton.

They enjoyed calling it 'the Doctor club'; and they, having a shared knowledge of the Doctor, quickly grew into close friends. And being a friend, Sarah Jane Smith could see through the fake cheerfulness. No, there was _sorrow_ in his eyes. And she, being an investigative journalist, almost immediately figured out why.

"Jack," she called. The smile faded away from her face. Her voice dropped. "...Where's the Doctor? Is there something wrong with him?"

Jack glanced back at her. His smile dropped, too, as his mouth set into a rigid line. "What's wrong?" He let out a hoarse laughter. "Everything."

* * *

Sarah Jane couldn't breathe, not after looking at the dark, empty Pandorica. The Doctor was strapped to the chair in that darkness for a _thousand years_. For more than half his lifetime. It was no wonder that it had taken a toll on his sanity. Gwen had delicately stated that the Doctor was just 'extremely confused', but she knew better.

As Jack had put it, the Doctor was a broken man now.

So when the Time Lord bounded into the room- a cheerful, manic... _empty_ grin on his face, assisted by a rolling walker and wearing the all-too-familiar scarf and hat, she felt her heart drop. Jack was slowly trailing behind him, looking quite lost himself.

"Hello-o-o-o, Sarah Jane! Long time no see! Literally. Look, I've got the scarf, the hat, and best of all, a pack of Jelly Babies for you. Just as it should be, huh? Plus, I've reversed the polarity of the jelly babies, which makes it even better. No. Wait. Right."

He frowned and started muttering something to himself in Gallifreyan. When he looked up and began saying something to Sarah Jane, he was still speaking in that musical, alien language- and he didn't even seem to acknowledge the fact. Jack sighed and rubbed his temples, looking tired.

"Doctor, you aren't speaking English," he said. The Doctor stared at him in surprise. Jack repeated, his voice slow and clear. The Time Lord blinked a few times and grinned at Sarah Jane.

"Sorry. It's hard to concentrate nowadays."

"Doctor," she greeted sadly, pulling the Time Lord into a tight embrace. The Doctor seemed surprised by this. He was frozen for a few seconds before relaxing and returning the hug, grinning. The rough texture of the old scarf brushed Sarah's nose, and she buried her face deeper into it, afraid that she might burst into tears.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "For not being there to save you."

"Save me from what?" the Doctor inquired, genuinely curious. He then frowned, groping at his own face as if he was a stranger to it. His eyes widened in shock. "Sarah! Jack! My face is wrong."

"What...?!"

"Rassilion, what happened? I'm all teeth and curly-hair and..." he motioned helplessly at his own hair. "Now it feels all wrong! Did someone shave me or something?"

Sarah Jane was at a loss for words, but Jack seemed calm as he tried to calm the alien down.

"Relax, Doc. That was over six regenerations ago. The fact that Sarah Jane's here doesn't mean that you are still on that regeneration."

"Oh. Okay. I'll keep a mental note on that," the Doctor nodded. "Although the mental notes keep getting lost... I've got no idea where they are. Anyway." He smiled all too cheerfully. "Nice to meet you, Sarah Jane. Since when were you sitting here? You suddenly appeared; I don't remember seeing you..."

His voice trailed off. The skinny body swayed back and forth dangerously. "'M tired," he mouthed before his legs gave way. Jack caught him and helped the Time Lord lean onto a sofa before turning around. The Captain had a disheartened, desparing look in his eyes. Sarah Jane got to her feet.

"I'll take care of him," she said firmly. "I think you need some rest."

"Thanks. It's not often I tire myself off my wits," Jack smiled weakly. It wasn't 'just' the problem of answering the never-ending questions and putting a halt to the Doctor's circular reasoning. No, it was more. Seeing the Doctor weakened like this... it was all too heartbreaking. He flopped down to his own chair. "But... I'll stay."

Sarah Jane sighed, and with a sad smile on her lips, turned to the Doctor and sat next to him. He was staring off into a distance. He murmured in a dreamy voice. "...Really, Rose, you should have seen me. They dragged me right into a box. Isn't that funny? A madman in a box."

Sarah turned to look at Jack. With a shrug, he explained, "Every time he zones out, he starts talking to his invisible Rose. The only person with whom he'd talk about the imprisonment."

"Okay," Sarah Jane said, sounding uncertain. "Okay. Doctor? Can you hear me?"

The Doctor spun around and grinned happily at her. "Of course I can! That question was stupid. A real, puzzling quiz would be something like this: If the square on the hypotenuse equals the sum of the square on the other two sides, why is a mouse when it spins? Never did know the answer to that one."

This was going to be difficult. But Sarah could help but laugh softly in relief; that was the very question the Doctor, her Doctor had asked the Brigadier right after his regeneration. At least some of his old self _was_ there- in bits and pieces.

"Then what do you remember about me?"

At this unexpected request, the Doctor's brows furrowed as he tried to concentrate and scoop up memories from the past. It took him a long time. Finally, he opened his mouth.

"You were angry when I asked you to make coffee."

At this unexpected recount, Sarah Jane couldn't help but burst into laughter. "Quite right! I didn't like you ordering me around. And anything else?"

"You'd argue with Harry... Harry Sullivan if he became overprotective. The first time I met you, you were infiltrating a UNIT facility. I was annoyed, but- but, not really. You and I, we were amazing. When you told me off for beng childish, I said, 'What's the point of being an adult if you can't be childish sometimes?'"

He started slowly, but his eyes grew more and more focused and sparkled with excitement as bits and pieces of memories popped up. Words rolled off his tongue at a surprising speed.

"Confident, courageous, with a sharp mind and tongue. I guess... that was... _you_."

"You _do_ remember!" Jack jumped up, overjoyed. "You're getting better. You just needed a little help, Doc!"

The Doctor frowned and regarded him indignantly. "Help? Why would I need help? I'm perfectly fine the way I am... I don't need _help_."

"Yes, very," Sarah laughed, relieved. The memories were unconnected tidbits, only the tiniest reminder of his past, but at least it was _something_. It meant hope- hope that he could get better. _Perhaps,_ Jack thought, _I was wrong. He isn't too far away. We can help him by ourselves._

"What do you remember about me, Doc?" he asked eagerly. The Time Lord gave him a blank stare. And...

"I don't want to," he said. A pause. "I don't want to remember."

Jack's eyes widened. "You don't... you don't want to remember?"

"Yeah. Have to think of Rose. Hurts. Too much."

The Doctor shook his head, looking distressed and unfocused. Sarah Jane seemed to sympathize with the Time Lord and tried to comfort him by giving a quick squeeze on his arm. But Jack felt hurt, and angry. He wasn't going to give up like this. The Doctor was showing progress, and with a little push, he'd be a bit more back to his normal manic self...

"But you _can't_!" he cried out, exasperated. "You've got to remember, Doctor. I know it hurts, but you can't run away like this. You'll have to tell us about what you've been through one day, and ther's no way you can look away forever!"

"Can't? Can't?" the Doctor asked back, his brown eyes darkening. The grin was gone from his face. "There's no such word as can't! It's a free cosmos. Why not?"

"Jack has a point, Doctor," Sarah tried in a soft voice. "We want you back. We want to help put you back together. We want you to be the Doctor again. Running, having fun, saving the universe-"

_I'm sorry, Doctor, but we can't take risks with you. Close the Pandorica._

The Doctor's eyes widened in terror and fury.

Something in him snapped.

"And trying to take the Laws of Time into my own hands?! _NO_!" he screamed, suddenly furious. He jerked forward and kept screaming at the top of his lungs. "I'm never doing that again. _I'm not the Doctor anymore_!"

"Doctor!" Startled, Jack tried to reach out and grab him on the shoulder, but the Doctor violently thrust him away.

"A helper? A savior? You are all wrong. I'm a monster, a Time Lord monster, drenched in the blood of inncoent millions. Billions!" he hollered, his pupils dilated, his voice shaking. "I told you, I don't need your _help_, don't you dare try 'put me back together'! I don't want, I don't-"

His voice abruptly died away as he realized what he was saying. The anger evaporated from his eyes in a second. He blinked, seemingly dazed. Suddenly his eyes widened in terror. He broke down on the spot and started to hyperventilate. Jack jumped forth, alarmed.

"Doctor? Doc, it's okay. Calm down and breathe!" he pleaded.

"_No_," the Doctor moaned. He looked terrified, scared- _shattered_, even, as he curled up into a ball and rocked back and forth, clutching his hair desperately. He was shaking, the glossy eyes not seeing Jack.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. Forgive me. I didn't mean to. It's all my fault," he begged. He buried his face into his knees as the darkness in him threatened to engulf him, closing in... and beyond that, Captain Adelaide was staring at him with accusing eyes. And _Rose_...

"I'm sorry, sorry, _SORRY_!" he screamed. He started crying and whispered in a broken, hoarse voice, shaking all over. "Don't hate me."

What he said next broke their hearts.

"Please... _don't leave me alone_."

Leaving him alone. That was exactly what they had done that day.

* * *

**A/N: He needed someone to stop him.**

**TenRose reunion in Chapter... Six or Seven. Rose, I guess it's up to you**.

**Review :)**


	5. Chapter 5: A Second Chance

_**Jackson Lake**: Tell me one thing. All those facts and figures I saw of the Doctor's life, you were never alone. All those bright and shining companions. But not any more?_

_**The Doctor**: No._

_**Jackson Lake**: Might I ask why not?_

_**The Doctor**: They leave. Because they should or because they find someone else. And some of them, some of them forget me. I... suppose... in the end, they break my heart._

**_-'The Next Doctor'_**

* * *

**#5**

No matter how hard they tried to reassure him that they were there, the Doctor was too terrified to listen. Broken sobs racked his body as he rocked back and forth, seemingly unaware of the world around him, immersed in the flashbacks playing out before his eyes. He kept crying and begging to people invisible to their eyes- until he became too tired and fell asleep.

Sarah Jane felt her throat tighten in grief as she held him in a tight hug. Gradually, his pleading voice died away, and he blinked very slowly before his head dropped. His forehead was covered in perspiration; tears were still clinging to his cheek. He looked like nothing more than a fearful little boy in his sleep. Jack watched sadly as the Time Lord whimpered from time to time in his fretful sleep.

"Oh, Doctor," Sarah murmured sadly, stroking the Doctor's messy mop of brown hair. "He's been through a lot."

"Damn the Pandorica," Jack muttered in a dark voice. "Whoever's done that to him, I'm going to rip their throats out someday."

"I don't think it was just the Pandorica that did this to him," she said, shaking her head. Jack looked at her in surprise. "It must have had a toll on him. He was in a war, he saw everyone die around him, and he feels guilty about that. Then he had to face the Daleks over and over again- they kept coming back when the Time Lords didn't. And losing everyone, losing Rose... he was at his darkest hour, and we just left him like that, 'cause we all had someone else."

Her eyes were grief-stricken as she pulled the unconscious Time Lord into her arms again. "I was the one who had said to him that he had the biggest family in the world. We didn't even know that he was going through such a hard time. Not until it was too late."

"The Pandorica... it was just the last straw." Jack felt a horrible realization grip his heart. "We shouldn't have... Oh, god."

He slumped down on a sofa, burying his face in his hands. All his usual facade of confidence disappeared as guilt overwhelmed him. He remembered promptly returning to his team after the Year that Never Was, refusing the Doctor's suggestion of traveling together. He could get over the traumatic experience, having his team and all, but the Doctor? He knew Martha had left him shortly after.

Perhaps the Doctor's suggestion was not just a... a suggestion, Jack realized. Maybe the Doctor was asking for help. He was reaching out to hold onto someone, anyone, to help him through. But he'd just run off. And that's what everyone did after they stopped traveling with the Doctor. They took it for granted that he'd come swanning into their lives to save them at the time of crisis. To them, he was a hero who would pop in and out of their lives, all confidence and manic energy.

It never occurred to them that he was alone. All the time. He was alone after the Year that Never was, after losing Rose, after losing Donna... during his time in Pandorica. Only now did he realize that he was just expecting the Time Lord to jump back onto his feet, no matter what he's been through.

...And this time, to put it simple, the Doctor didn't make it.

* * *

When the Doctor woke up, he didn't go bouncing around in empty happiness as he used to. Instead, he lapsed into silence. Gwen found it hard to believe, because according to Jack, the Doctor used to have the biggest gob in the universe. But obviously, a thousand years' imprisonment changed a lot of things.

The Doctor merely offered her a meek smile when she asked him how he was doing, his breakfast plate in her hands. He flinched nervously when her hand brushed against his as she handed him the dish, but his face lit up in delight as he forked the banana pancake into his mouth. (Obviously, Sarah Jane was a fantastic cook.)

The blank smile never left his face while they tried to lure him into talking, but still he didn't utter a single word. I was as if yesterday's outburst had drained his energy completely. They took turns tending to the Time Lord- he would show symptoms of a panic attack every time he was left alone... even for a short moment. It was fortunate that Cardiff was miraculously peaceful these days, without any alien invasions nor Weevil attacks.

Martha and Mickey arrived at ten O' clock in the morning.

At first, they were cheerful, happy to see the fellow companions and eager to meet the Doctor. However, Sarah Jane stopped them from entering the Doctor's room. She shook her head sternly at the confused couple, crossing her arms.

"You need to be completely prepared before you go in, unless you want to go through a culture shock like me," she announced. "Jack, you need to tell them what happened."

And so he did. He retold how the Doctor was found in the Pandorica, how he was locked for a 'bloody thousand years or something'. He showed them the horribly dark, now-empty prison. Pain laced his voice as he recalled how far from his past self the Doctor was. Then Sarah went on to tell them her conversation with the Doctor, how confused and scared he was. Ianto added that the Doctor was 'practically mute' after the mental breakdown.

"Oh god," Martha whispered, covering her mouth with her hand in horror. Mickey gaped like a fish before managing to stutter out some inarticulate comments. They couldn't possibly imagine the Doctor in _that_ kind of mess.

"So- what you are saying that what we need to do," Mickey finally declared in an uncertain voice. "is saving him... from himself?"

"Basically, yes. I'm not sure how we'll pull it through... but we've got to try our best," Jack replied heavily. "We need a doctor, Doctor Jones."

"So... I guess he's suffering a severe case of PTSD. But I'm not sure how to deal with it- no human being has _ever_ gone through such a traumatic experience." Martha said, rubbing her face in distress. "Not to mention that I'm not an expert on this. But I guess we'll have to give it a try."

"Gwen's looking after him at this moment. He's watching a cartoon. He had a seizure when we turned on a documentary on Mars," Sarah supplied. Martha nodded, a firm determination reappearing on her face. She took in a deep breath.

"Okay," she finally declared. "I'm ready."

"I'll go in with you. Who knows? Maybe he'll be sane enough to recognize a certain idiot," Mickey grinned halfway, taking her hand. They were led to the Doctor's room. Upon opening the door, Martha's heart stuttered. Mickey's eyes widened in shock. They had heard about what the Doctor had been through... but seeing it with their own eyes... it was a different matter altogether.

The Doctor was wearing a pale blue hospital gown. The usual sticky-uppy crazy brown hair was lifelessly deflated. He was pale and even thinner, his deep brown eyes strangely empty. He was curled up into a ball, rocking back and forth aimlessly, immersed in the cartoon playing out in TV. His right hand was drawing circles on Gwen's arm.

It was _so not him_ that it was mindblowing.

The Doctor glanced at them, and his eyes widened in surprise. The familiar faces! Memories of him laughing with them on the TARDIS floated up to his mind. _Must have been close_, he mused, frowning. It took him a while to place their names, but life did spark back into his timeless eyes when he recognized them at last.

'Martha! Brilliant Martha Jones. And Mickey the idiot, too! Can't really remember what I did with them, but still.'

They were among the faces that kept him from losing his sanity completely, that kept him fighting, during his time in Pandorica. _Friends, companions, allies_.

So he was quite happy to see them. He only wished that they wouldn't try and 'help' him, like Jack and Sarah Jane tried to do. He beckoned them over, smiling eagerly.

* * *

_And on the other side of the universe..._

Rose was standing, alone, in the empty, darkened flat that she and John had shared for a few weeks. She was staring at the little yellow object in her hand in shock and disbelief. It was what John had been working on days before his death, and he'd wrapped it up carefully- leaving it to her as a last gift.

It was slightly modified, more rectangular, but she recognized it immediately. It was impossible to _not_ recognize its brilliant yellow hue.

The dimensional cannon.

The letter written in John's own beautiful lopsided handwriting slipped through her frozen fingers and fluttered to the floor.

_"Dear Rose Tyler._

_I'm sorry, so sorry, that things have to end like this. But please remember this: you were always the best of me, and I have always loved you. I also thank you for loving me back. I didn't deserve it, not at all, but look- you, wonderful Rose Tyler, had jumped through universes to get back to me! (Well, I mean my Time Lord counterpart, but I guess it doesn't matter, since we are practically the same man.)_

_But I'm burning up now, very, very slowly. You've told me that it would be okay, that I'll be able to fight it off; but I just know that that's not the case. Actually, I've been hoping that this won't happen, but the moment I started developing a fever I knew I didn't stand a chance. I'm sorry, Rose, I lied. I knew it wasn't a cold. My death was approaching every second._

_But spending three weeks with you, it was the best time in my life._

_Thank you in advance for holding onto me till my inevitable end- you've made me feel better, as you had always done before. And I'm so sorry for hurting you. Despite owing so much to you, I keep making a mess of it. Universe has never been kind on us, don't you think?_

_So this is my last gift, Rose. I wanted you to have a second chance with him- with me. You will be able to make a choice with this._

_I have smuggled the last remaining dimension cannon from Torchwood, just in case. And I've reactivated it, using our TARDIS coral (sorry for not discussing it with you beforehand) to help latch onto our original universe and stabilize the trip. _

_In short, you'll be able to safely land in Cardiff, Wales, original universe, the moment you push this button. There you'll be able to find Jack, and use his help to find the other 'me'. But it's your choice. I just wanted you to not feel as if the right to choose your own life has been ripped away from you, again._

_Rose, I love you. I love you so much, I love more than you could possible imagine. And I know that those feelings are from the Doctor. Believe me, Rose. I can't feel anything that he can't feel. He loves you more than the entire universe. He misses you. He needs you, and that's very me. So, I guess it's up to you now._

_Live a fantastic life, Rose Tyler. I love you. And so does he._

_Ah, well, then... I guess it's time to end this letter. Headache's getting unbearable. But it will be over soon._

_Goodbye."_

"...John..." she whispered, her vision going blurry. She picked the letter up ever-so-gently, and buried her face in it. Her body shuddered... one, two, three times.

Slowly, very slowly, Rose Tyler started sobbing. Quietly.

A second chance. And at a terrible cost. Her heart clenched in pain as her fingers curled around the human Doctor's last gift to her.

"...Thank you."

* * *

**Many thanks to Thisdayandage for the cover image :) Amazing work!**

**Awww... Rose, you are going to be so shocked when you see the Doctor. He's so much worse off than you are. hehe (Evil cackle)**

**Thank you for reading. Please review; it's what keeps me going.**


	6. Chapter 6: Unexpected Circumstances

_"I've seen things you wouldn't believe! I've lost things you would **never** understand!"_

-**The Doctor, 'Rings of Akhaten'**

* * *

**#6**

"Doctor!"

The Doctor blinked lazily, waking up from his daze. It was a peaceful morning, with him just floating around in the water. Martha was waving her hand, calling for him as she stood at the edge of the pool. He tried to swim in her direction, waving his arms rather awkwardly, and gave a sheepish smile when she reached out to lend a hand.

"You are improving," she said, in a cheerful voice. "Muscle movements are getting better! Way to go, Doctor."

The Doctor grinned, a grin that was familiar to them. Mickey felt certain that had the circumstances been different, and had he been okay, the Doctor would have been chattering away about superior Time Lord resilience or something, a pompous look on his face.

_I guess I kinda miss the old him a lot,_ he contemplated as he helped Martha pull him out of the water and drape a towel over his head. Martha smiled, scrubbing the towel against the messy brown hair.

"Come on. Let's get you warmed up before you have lunch and go take a walk outside with Jack," she said brightly, leading him out of the TARDIS pool room. The Time Lord's face lit up at the mention of taking a walk. Outside the TARDIS, they found Jack waiting for them with pizzas and a flirtatious smile.

"Fancy some pizza?" he asked, grinning. He was, too, behaving more like his normal self- ever since Martha had advised him to stop brooding, stop feeling guilty, and put some cheer onto his face- for the sake of the Doctor. Mickey had agreed, too.

"Hey, anyone would feel run down by just looking at you, Captain Cheesecake. You heard Martha. We should be all honey and sunshine when we are with the Doctor- supportive environment and all. Let's look on the bright side. At least you were the one who found and rescued 'im from that hell of a place," was what he had said, slapping Jack on the shoulder. "Without you, he'd still be in there. _You_ saved him. Go on, look at me; fat lot of good I was!"

"Don't say like that, Mickey Mouse," was Jack's deflated response. Still, to be honest, he did feel a little better afterwards. He smiled encouragingly as the Doctor timidly prodded a piece of pizza with his fork.

Sarah Jane was visiting Luke; she was to pop back in here tomorrow morning. The Doctor's former companions were taking turns to take care of their own life and look after the Doctor- which wasn't too hard, even though seeing him being so shy and unnaturally quiet was quite tragic.

It had settled into a rather peaceful routine now. They had to admit that there was nothing much they could do to help the Doctor with his trauma at the moment. Actually, giving him pressure and trying to make him tell them what had happened had only worsened the situation up till now. So they decided to give him as much peace and comfort as they could. After all, he had been through a rough time.

So Martha had set up a neat schedule, mainly focused on physical rehabilitation, for the Time Lord. Breakfast, a lengthy aquatic therapy at the pool, lunch, taking a walk in the Cardiff park, dinner, playing catchball, free time, sleep. The Doctor seemed to like it. Well, it was hard to tell with his lack of response and the all-too-blank smile, but at least he looked comfortable.

_A bit of a relaxing must be good for his soul,_ Mickey had commented about that. Then, after a heavy pause, he shook his head. _Good thing Rose can't see him like this. It'll break her heart._

Anyway, since he wasn't able to walk more than a few steps at a time, they prepared a wheelchair for his walk at the park. The Doctor seemingly enjoyed sitting on it, letting himself be taken out into the warm, bright sunlight. Usually either Jack or Martha would push the wheelchair from behind. They'd idly talk about the good old times, and he'd listen with interest for about half an hour before zoning out and slipping into his own mindscape.

Well, it was the best they could do.

The Doctor finished up his portion of pizza and looked up at his friends expectantly.

'Walk?' he mouthed, looking hopeful like a child. Jack laughed a little, and scooped the Time Lord right off his feet. Mickey pulled the wheelchair over. They carefully put him down on it.

"All right, Doc," Jack said with a chuckle. "Let's go out and have some ice cream."

"Don't you dare. He needs something more nutritious," Martha warned. Jack winked at her before heading over to the exit. Mickey rolled his eyes and opened up the Torchwood Hub door. Martha watched with a sad smile as the Doctor looked around, curiousity written on his face.

So empty.

The door slid shut. The smile dropped from her face. She sat down with a long sigh. In all honesty, the Doctor was 'stable', looking quite happier than before, but he showed no signs of improving. He was not speaking a word, let alone opening up to them. She wasn't sure if the Doctor, her Doctor was somewhere in there at _all._

Mickey quietly walked up to her and gave her a tight embrace. She hugged back. A tear slid down her cheek.

* * *

Rose quietly shut the door behind her and smiled weakly at Jackie. She was busily fussing around, making two cups of tea.

"Come on in, Rose, the tea's nicely made today-"

"Mom..." she started.

"Nothing's better than a hot cuppa when you are having a bad time. ...Rose?" Jackie inquired, stopping dead on her feet when she saw the look on her daughter's face. Rose took in a deep breath and confessed in a quiet voice.

"Mom, I'm going to leave."

It took Jackie a moment to comprehend this. But when she did, she managed to understand the untold part of the story.

"Back to him?" she asked, staring at Rose. She nodded. Jackie blinked, but other than that, she was taking it well. "Oh. I thought you would, if you are given a choice. Is it possible to...?"

"He, the Doctor..." Rose hesitated. "John, he left me an enhanced dimension cannon. I can pop back there whenever I want to. But I can't come back," she said, looking down at her feet. A tear rolled down her cheek as she choked on her words. "Mum, I-"

"I know." Jackie walked up to her and pulled her into a tight hug. She was crying, too. "I know. You can be happy only with him, right? Rose, mum here jumped universes to live with Pete, too. Of course I understand. Shh, it's okay."

Rose started sobbing, burying her face into her mom's shoulder. Jackie patted on her back. They stood like that for a moment before they broke the hug. Rose wiped her face with her palm and smiled tearfully.

"Thank you, mum. Tell Pete and Tony that I love them."

"You aren't going to say goodbye?" Jackie asked, but she didn't sound too surprised. Rose nodded, hesitant.

"Telling goodbye is too sad," she said._ Rose Tyler, I_-... She closed her eyes. "It breaks my heart. I'm sorry. I... I can't."

Jackie nodded wordlessly. They shared another quick hug- that was their goodbye. Nothing more was needed. She watched sadly as Rose walked away from her. Her little girl, going out to live her own life. One last smile, a little wave of her hand, and the door closed shut.

Rose stood still, the mansion door behind her back. It was a cold, crisp winter morning. There was no turning back now.

She looked up, gazing wistfully in the direction of the graveyard.

"Goodbye, John," she whispered. The only farewell she was going to speak out loud. She closed her eyes. A tear trickled down her frozen cheek. "Now watch me run."

She pushed the button.

_A dizzying, compressing feeling. Darkness enveloping her and squeezing down on her on every side. She choked in shock, unable to breathe, a scream caught in her throat-_ and then, suddenly, it was gone.

She squinted her eyes open. Then they widened in relief. Cardiff. She was in Cardiff! No zeppelins in the sky, check. That meant that she had gotten it right. She was standing in the park. No one seemed to notice her sudden appearance. Music was billowing out from a hot dog vendor nearby.

_Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking_  
_When you fall everyone stands_  
_Another day and you've had your fill of sinking_  
_With the life held in your_  
_Hands are shaking cold_  
_These hands are meant to hold._

She looked around carefully. Yes, right universe all right. She smiled a little and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. Now she just had to walk straight across the park and head off to the Plass, where the Torchwood Hub- and hopefully, Jack- was. Doctor, where would you be? Are you out there, having fun among the stars? She hoped he would pop back in for a visit.

_Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong_  
_Move along, move along like I know you do_  
_And even when your hope is gone_  
_Move along, move along just to make it through._

She started walking, the sunlight warm and comfortable on her back. It wasn't winter in this universe. The song rang loud in her ears as she walked past the hotdog vendor. Yes, this way. She nodded to herself.

_So a day when you've lost yourself completely_  
_Could be a night when your life ends_  
_Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving_  
_All the pain held in your hands is shaking cold_  
_Your hands are mine to hold..._

Many people were taking a stroll outside, chattering away, enjoying the sunlight. It was a nice day, after all. She could see a brown-haired bloke in a pale blue hospital gown, seated on a wheelchair, presumably waiting for someone as he enjoyed the shade of the tree. Except that he didn't look like he was enjoying his time. He seemed to be lost in thought, blankly staring down at the vanilla ice cream cone in his hand, unware of the fact that it was melting. He seemed off. He-

Wait. She knew that man. She knew him all too well.

Rose froze on her spot. Her heart skipped a beat, but the blood still pounded in her ears. A cry of shock was lost in her throat.

But that was impossible. No-

_Hands are shaking cold  
__These hands are meant to hold..._

The song was still playing, but she couldn't hear it. No, she felt as if the world was freezing over, the turn of the universe freezing to a stop- as the man slowly lifted his head.

Their eyes met.

The ancient, brown eyes of the Doctor widened in shock. The blankness instantly evaporated, and a mixture of confusion, panic and a million other emotions rushed past his mind. That face. That impossible face that he would never forget. The name that even the horrible time of solitude in Pandorica could _never_ take away from him. The name that made him keep fighting.

Without thinking, he spoke out loud in a broken, unused voice:

"Rose?"

* * *

**A/N: Many thanks to Jade, who recommended the song 'Move Along' by American Rejects to me! Really, it was perfectly fitting. **

**Ah, finally, the long-awaited reunion. But I bet Rose wouldn't have expected the Doctor to be a complete mess like this. Heh heh, are you shocked, Rosie? (evil laughter)**

**Thanks for reading, please review!**


	7. Chapter 7: I Need Help

**A/N: That was some amazing response I've got to the last chapter. Due to the fact that I am a high school senior student preparing to apply for college this winter, I am really, really busy, and I was going to put this story on a hiatus till December. But I thought leaving this story on a cliffhanger was an irresponsible behavior on my part. So, here's Chapter Seven. I am sorry to say that the next chapter will be posted in December. Can't help it... but please, please wait for me. I promise I'll return. :) Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

**#7**

"Rose?" the Doctor whispered in a hoarse voice. Then he shouted out, his eyes ever so wide. "Rose!"

It had been a long time since the last time his thoughts were this lucid. His head stopped spinning, and the disorienting fluctuation of the universe seemed to still around him. He couldn't breathe as the impossible, pink-and-yellow girl stared back at him in amazement and shock.

Then he saw her lips move. _'Doctor!'_\- she seemed to shout. He watched as she started running towards him.

_This hallucination is incredibly real_, he thought, unable to utter a single word. _That's a first. _Plus, in his dream, Rose Tyler would always glare at him condescendingly; but this Rose was different. She looked at him as if only he, the Doctor, mattered in the entire Universe.

And she was there, hugging him, shouting, crying.

It was a fierce, tight embrace, with warmth and strength like no one else's. A single tear trickled down his cheek as he took in a shaky breath. No, his entire body was quaking. Rassilion, he must be really losing his mind. It felt so real, when he knew it wasn't real. Couldn't be real.

"Doctor, what happened to you? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" she asked breathlessly, cupping his cheek and tilting his head back to gaze into her eyes. Joy and sorrow, hope and fear. So much emotions mingling in her mind. The Doctor strained his eyes, trying to concentrate on her, trying to take in the radiant beauty of her.

So what if she was a dream, a fragment of his imagination? He wanted to compliment his dreamscape for creating something so wonderful. Usually, it would only plague him with nightmares and distorted guilt. This was so much better, and he intended to cling onto it as long as he could.

"No. Yes, well, maybe. But it's not important," he shook his head, smiling sadly. "Tell me. How much time do I have?"

"What?" she asked, looking confused. He let out a deflated chuckle.

"I know this is a dream, Rose. You can't possibly be here. But I don't _care-_ it's not the first time I've hallucinated about you. And this one is the most realistic _and_ the best one I've ever had in a few centuries. And, considering my current midlife crisis- _ooh,_ that's a good one- a dream with you in it, Rose Tyler, is worth more than a thousand realities. So, how long do I have till I wake up? You are my dream interface; you tell me."

He hummed, looking amused. He looked up at Rose, his worn-out eyes twinkling. "Oh, look, my gob is back. At least in a dream. That's new."

Rose's heart sank. When she jumped universes, she had been expecting the Doctor to doubt her identity, flashing his sonic screwdriver at him... blame himself for god-knows-what... welcome her back with open arms and offer her a hand to hold... be flustered and start babbling about 'impossible things' and 'metacrisis' and 'Rose, you shouldn't have done that, it's too dangerous'... really, _anything_.

She was prepared for everything. Except for this. Rose could literally feel the feeling of something gone terribly wrong crawling up her skin. The wind that ran past her hair felt unnaturally chilly to her. She gulped.

_What happened to you, Doctor?_

"But I'm real. I'm really here for you, Doctor," she said, choking on her words. No, she wasn't going to cry. She was going to be strong. She quickly brushed away the remaining tears from her eyes.

"So they all say..." he shrugged nonchalantly. He smiled at her as he held her hand. He bent forward to kiss her on the back of her hand. "But it's just as well. Dame Rose of Powell Estate... I remember. You are beautiful. And so warm. I missed you," he murmured. And smiled. "It was worth the wait."

Okay, _now_ she was going to cry. "Doctor..."

"They locked me up," he said in a distant voice, as if in a daze. Rose froze, absolutely still. He continued, whispering against her hand and letting his gentle breath brush against her delicate skin. "Pandorica, a perfect prison for a dangerous Time Lord. Couldn't be opened from the inside."

"What?" Rose asked, alarmed, all of her previous thoughts forgotten in a wisp. A prison? Was that why he didn't really look sane? "You aren't dangerous, Doctor."

"Yes, I am," came the heavy reply. Rose shook her head fiercely, kneeling down to make the eye contact easier for the Doctor, gripping his hand with both of her hands.

"No, Doctor. You are the most wonderful Time Lord I have ever seen," she said earnestly. "That prison... how long were you in there?"

"I am the only Time Lord you have ever seen," the Doctor laughed softly. "But anyway. was locked up in there for one thousand, nine hundred and eight years- that makes me 2,815 years old. It was so cold, so dark... so lonely in there. I was awake all the time... thinking... the terrible sins I have commited, the mistakes I've made, the people I miss, the choices I regret."

He paused, trying to gather the scattered pieces of his mind that kept slipping through his fingers. He almost said that during that time, his thoughts kept running back to her- Rose Tyler. But he knew that the real Rose was somewhere out there in the Pete's world, in another universe, living out a fantastic life with his alternate self. This girl was a gift from his imagination. She existed only inside his head. So instead of saying anything more- What was the point?- he grinned.

"Really, you should know- after all, you are a part of my mind, 'Rose'."

"But I'm not!" Rose shouted. Horror gnawed at her heart. Oh, Doctor. He was still thinking that she was his hallucination. And it was no wonder that he was so broken. Nearly two thousand years, confined in the darkness, alone. Endless replaying of painful memories. And she thought she was the one with a broken heart.

He'd been in hell. And she wasn't there for him.

"Why do you think I am not real? Give me a good, solid reason, Doctor. You can feel me. You can see and smell and hear me. Maybe I jumped universes back to you. _Maybe I'm really here_," Rose said softly, straightening her back and making him lean onto her. Her voice broke just a little. "Why won't you believe?"

"Because," the Doctor said. He took in a shuddering breath and his gaze dropped. And in a quiet voice, he gave a firm, simple answer.

"Nothing good ever happens to me."

"Well," came Rose's reply. She sounded immensely sad, but determined and gentle at the same time. Her thumb, carrying the warmth of the sunlight, brushed across his cheek. "I guess I'll have to change that, now that I'm here."

And with that she leaned into a kiss.

The world slowed around them once more as her lips captured his, her movements gentle, carressing and so incredibly soft. It was an act of comfort, of promise. The Doctor's eyes widened in realization. She tasted a bit salty, the tears still lingering on the edge of her lips, and wonderful, sending warmth sweeping through him like the heart of a burning sun. She also tasted of Void and a different Universe- but still, it didn't matter.

This kiss wasn't a piece of his imagination. It couldn't be. _This _felt all too real. She was real. _Rose_ was real. His hearts nearly stuttered to a stop in shock as he finally realized that she was really, really... _here!_

_No, that can't be true, _he thought faintly, panic suddenly flaring up in his hearts._ How? Why?! I left her with the metacrisis. She's supposed to be happy there, She can't be here! _

A splitting pain, the terrible headache that would take away all his coherency and drag him away from reality into nightmares, shot through his entire body like a bullet. He reeled from shock, almost letting his consciousness get dragged off into the world of nightmares, losing himself yet again- but then, amidst the dazzling warmth of the kiss, he heard it.

Her heartbeat. The singular beat, the rythm of her incredible human heart. That heart, with so much love in it... he clung onto it, scrunching his eyes shut, finding the long-lost will to fight on coming back to life, if only a little.

She did that. She always made him better. He didn't deserve her. But he desperately wanted her to stay with him. He needed her to hold his hand.

If she did, then, maybe, just maybe, he could allow himself to feel hope again.

He gasped, dazed and disoriented and unable to comprehend what had just happened, as Rose broke the kiss and tenderly gazed into his brown eyes. There was a tinge of sweet sorrow coloring her thoughts, and he could feel that at the edge of his mind. Another evidence that this wasn't just a dream.

Good. Because if that kiss had been another hopeless dream of his, he would rather die.

"...You are here," was all he managed to say, his eyes glazed with awe. A melancholy smile slipped onto her lips as Rose nodded. She opened her mouth to say something- and was abruptly cut off as he breathlessly sprang up from his wheelchair and roughly tugged her face to his. His eyes were despairing and hopeful; stormy brown colliding with the blown black pupils.

"I need to make sure," he growled out, using every ounce of control to battle off the doubts and the darkness trying to pour through his mind. "Just once," he whispered, leaning forward.

He cupped her cheek and dived right in.

It was Rose's turn to be shocked as he crashed on her lips in a desperate, raw kiss. If her kiss was friendly and was driven by a need to capture his attention and give him reassurance that _she's really here_, this one was driven purely by need. And as much as it made her head spin in wonder, it also scared her, because it showed how much he was actually broken, how far over the edge he was.

The Doctor she knew would never admit his feelings, keeping up the barrier between his companion and himself. He was the very image of self-control; he'd rarely admit that he needed her. She'd often wish that he would let his barrier down just a little. And now...

Rose stifled a sob as she kissed him back. This universe was so cruel and twisted, wasn't it? Why did it have to go like this?

"Oh, Doctor," she murmured against his lips, and he broke the kiss. He was crying. He stared at her with red, swollen eyes for a moment, tears threatening to spill over the edge, before smiling a little. He leaned into her and buried his face into her shoulder. He hugged her tightly and rocked back and forth, and a tiny sob of relief escaped his mouth. His shoulders were trembling.

"Hello, Rose Tyler," he choked. Rose felt her throat tighten and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Hello," she echoed. They stood like that for some time, lost in each other's presence, unable to think of what to say. The Doctor tried to gather his thoughts- _Rose, why are you here, where is the metacrisis, what happened, how did you come here, how, oh, oh GOD- _but failed miserably.

After the Pandorica, he couldn't get himself to think properly; it was like his brain had broken down somewhere. Humans would call it an attention disorder, he thought. He couldn't coin together his memories, his thoughts, his vast quantity knowledge- the mere act of looking back on what had happened to him was excruciatingly painful.

No, the only way he could keep himself from going completely insane in the Pandorica was to keep his mind jumbled, to keep his thoughts blank and unconcentrated. And after two thousand years of doing that, he could never be the same again. He couldn't even concentrate a little when he was talking to his friends. He could only state one or two sentences at a time before his thoughts got entangled and slipped away, causing him to shift to an entirely different topic. The flashbacks, nightmares and hallucinations that he kept having didn't help, either.

But he could concentrate on _her_. It was worth fighting for, even though the pain in his head was worse than ever before. Because she was Rose Tyler. If he were to lose her again... he was sure he'd completely lose himself, once and for all.

Finally, it was Rose who broke the unending silence.

"Doctor."

"Hmm?"

"I was hoping you would be okay."

_You should have forgotten me. _"Rose..."

"But you weren't...?"

"No, not really." His grip on her arm tightened for a moment before loosening again. He sighed. "I... can't hold a single thought even for a few seconds. It's a miracle that I can talk to you like this- like the old times... I don't know how long this will last..."

He cast her a pleading glance. Then he shook his head.

"If you don't want to, you can just, you know, move on. Let go of me. I'll be too much of a burden for you. I... I'm not the man whom I used to be. He's gone. I can't... I can't," he took in a shuddering breath, rubbing his own face, tired. His knees were threatening to give way already. "I can't even run. I won't be good enough for you. I mean, really. You can leave me."

"Like I ever will! Remember? I've promised my forever to you, Doctor. Don't you think you'll be able to get rid of me."

"Rose..." He said in a faint voice, and stared blankly at her. She immediately noticed that he was on the brink of zoning out. She gazed intensely into his eyes, giving his hand a quick, reassuring squeeze.

"Doctor?"

"Oh..." he blinked slowly before looking at her. His face was contorted, fear written plainly in his eyes. "That was close. Nearly lost it. Ha!"

He barked out a short, self-mocking laughter before burying his own face and murmuring in a muffled voice. He sounded ashamed- even scared. "See? I'm scared. I can't concentrate, not anymore. I don't deserve you. I'm not the Doctor anymore."

"Don't," Rose said in a soft voice. He was shivering, but the madness pooling in his eyes died away just a little as she lifted her hand and cupped his cheek. "Tell you what. I'll stay, but on _one_ condition. Tell me what you _want_ to say, not what you think you _should_ say. Just once. Without all that _'you will be better off without me'_ nonsense, 'cause we both know that it's not true. Once. Please."

He blinked. She whispered, brushing a single tear off the corner of his left eye.

"What do you really want?"

"I..." He faltered for a moment before shaking his head, feeling desperate and scared. "No, Rose, I can't, I really can't."

"Tell me," she insisted in a firm, but soft, voice. He took in a deep breath. He felt so scared. So incredibly scared. He had never said this before, even when he was sane. He struggled with himself desperately. He really couldn't...

"Rose Tyler, I want you to stay," he said at last, his voice quiet and low. "I... I need help. And you are the only one who can."

"Then I'll stay," was the simple answer. The Doctor stared at her. How could a human being be so beautiful? He didn't deserve her; he still felt like he had just made a terrible choice. But nontheless, he choked out-

"_Thank you."_

Then with a sigh of relief, his body sagged. Having used up all his energy, he had promptly lost consciousness on the spot. Rose managed to catch him and carefully lowered his body onto the wheelchair. His head lolled and drooped to a side. He was breathing evenly, lost in a peaceful sleep. Rose stared down at the Doctor. It hurt to see him like this, but at least she could make him better. _Things could have been worse_, she thought...

Then she heard a familiar voice gasp in shock from behind.

"Rose Tyler?"

She spun around to come in face-to-face with Captain Jack Harkness, holding a bag of chips in his hand and staring at her in disbelief and shock.

"How can you be here?!"

* * *

**A/N: And things are already getting things better, although the kiss was more angsty than fluffy.** **But things won't be so easy for you ;)**

**1\. The Doctor is wearing a perception filter. Jack put it on him when he went to buy chips for him, just in case, to keep him safe from other people's unnecessary attention. That's why people in the park hardly noticed them when they were hugging-kissing-crying-having an angsty talk, etc. **

**2\. The Doctor wears a hospital gown almost all the time nowadays. At first Martha thought making him wear the tight suit he used to be so fond of would be good for him; but seeing him panic whenever he feels uncomfortable or restrained forced them to abandon that choice. **

**He took a liking to a hospital gown he found in the hub, which was loose on him, and, even better, TARDIS blue. He insisted (wordlessly) that he was going to wear it. They gave in, eventually. **

**"I don't like it," Mickey sighed. "It's so not him!"**

**All right, Mickey. Let's see what Rose can do about that.**

**3\. At first this chapter had Jack getting shocked by Rose's sudden appearance, suspecting her to be an imposter, and pointing a gun at her. The Doctor panicks and leaps from his chair to throw himself in front of her in a protective gesture. He yells at Jack how he didn't care whether Rose was real or not, because she's the 'best thing that could happen to him in a thousand years'. Jack realizes that Rose is really Rose- because, according to him, Rose is the only person who could bring 'the fight' spark back to life in the Doctor's eyes. **

**That storyline was abandoned and the angsty-and-not-really-romantic kiss option was chosen, because my writing skills suck.**

**Bye! Review :)**


	8. Chapter 8: Running Away from the Past

**A/N: Yup, I'm finally back. **

**Chapter 8**

She's here.

Oh, god, she's really _here._

Captain Jack Harkness was unusually baffled when he found himself standing face-to-face with Rose Tyler, the girl who was supposed to be in another universe, living out her life with the Doctor duplicate. But _no_, she was here, and- his eyes flitted over to the Doctor, who was sagging in her arms, seemingly unconscious- then back to 'Rose'.

Maybe she wasn't Rose. A psychic alien, disguising herself as Rose, trying to take away the Doctor. Or maybe she _was_ Rose, either back from another universe or the one who is still dimension-hopping.

"How can you be here?!" he demanded. Rose looked a bit dazed; she had to blink several times before registering Jack's sudden appearance. Then a large, relieved grin made its way onto her lips. She tenderly lowered the Doctor's body onto the wheelchair, making sure he was settled in a comfortable position before spinning around to face her old friend.

"Captain Jack Harkness!" she laughed out loud in tearful relief and delight, throwing her arms around Jack's neck. "Oh, I missed you! Okay, when are we? The Earth-being-stolen incident. You've done that, right?"

Okay, that clearly eliminated Option One. Jack's heart stuttered in hope, but he reigned that foolish feeling back in and whipped out his bioscanner. Better be safe than sorry.

"Yes, yes I did. Now, Rose, just hold still; I need to make sure that you aren't some kind of tricky psychic alien."

"Oh."

Rose calmed down a little, nodding. Of course. Having worked in Torchwood- although it was in a different universe- she perfectly understood that such precautions were necessary when people who weren't supposed to exist suddenly reappeared.

She stood still, waiting patiently as Jack ran the bioscanner over her, once, twice, three times. The wariness in his steely blue eyes seemed to dissipate bit by bit as he read the results.

_'Species: Human/ DNA identified./ Name: Rose Tyler_.'

"Rosie!" he finally exclaimed in joy, flinging the bioscanner away and leaping towards her. Rose allowed herself to smile as he pulled her into a crushing bear hug. Tears welled up in her eyes. Then Jack loosened the embrace and gave her a quick once-over. He frowned.

"No offense, but... you know, before all _this_ happened-" he nodded to the Doctor's limp form, sighing. "He visited me once, just after the Dalek Invasion. He told me that he had left you in another universe with his counterpart- of course, I gave him a piece of my mind, mind you- and now you're just, _boom_, standing right here." _Did something go wrong there?_ The unsaid question hung heavy in the air.

The pain of losing her John was too fresh in her heart. She took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears from blurring her vision. But she couldn't help but let her voice break as she confessed, her throat tight with sadness.

"His name was John. John Theta Tyler. We were living together for three weeks, and... and... he died. Long story."

"Oh, Rose... I'm so sorry," Jack said, quickly placing a hand on her shoulders and holding her steady. "I should have known better than to ask you."

"No, anyone would have asked. It was only natural," she sighed. She let her eyes drop, and they were filled with even more sadness upon seeing the Doctor's limp body seated on a wheelchair. His face looked younger- even innocent- when he slept. She placed her hand on his head, softly stroking his brown tuft of hair. His head lolled to a side. _Like a broken doll. A shell of her Doctor, broken by the cruelty of the Universe. _

"Why?" she murmured. She lifted her head, her eyes full of anguish. She took hold of the Doctor's hand. "Why does the Universe have to be so cruel, Jack? What did he do to deserve this. What-" a sob racked her body. "What _happened_ to him?"

Jack opened his mouth. Then closed it back again. His eyes were shady blue, clouded with time and pain and grief.

"It's a long story," he said. He took hold of Rose's hand holding the Doctor's, and gave a gentle, consoling squeeze. "I'm so sorry, Rose. But I promise, we'll be able to fix it. And I'm sorry for what you had to go through, but I'm glad that you're here. He needs you, Rose. Now let's go back to the Hub. I guess a cuppa is in order."

Rose stared at the Doctor for a long time. Then at last, she gave a tiny nod.

"Let's get going," she said. And they started heading back to the hub, Rose holding the Doctor's hand while Jack pushed the wheelchair.

* * *

It was Gwen and Ianto's first time to meet Rose face-to-face, and they were quite polite in their greetings. Mickey and Martha were much more enthusiastic; they shouted in joy and disbelief and pulled her into a tight embrace. Rose gladly returned the hug. Jack watched, a tight smile on his lips, as they laughed and talked a little- _"Oh my god, so you two are married?! I'm so happy for you!"-_ and Ianto brought out coffee for everyone.

She'd have preferred tea in other situations, but memories of her mother making tea was still too fresh in her mind, making it hurt. She clutched the cup hard and sat down. When they had all settled around the table, Rose took a deep breath and struggled for a moment. She didn't want to talk about it, but they were going to ask her why she had returned to this universe sometime anyway. Better to be done with it quick.

Jack didn't lift his eyes but listened intently as Rose started on her story. Ianto absently stirred his coffee as she told how the duplicate Doctor named himself John and proceeded to settle down in that Universe surprisingly well. Mickey's mouth dropped when she mentioned how he started to burn up, how he'd built an enhanced dimension cannon aimed at Cardiff in the prime universe as a farewell present. And when she had finally finished her side of the story, with her leaving her mom and almost immediately running into the broken Doctor, Gwen was covering her mouth in horror.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Martha said sincerely, breaking the frozen silence. Being as compassionate as ever, she couldn't help but move next to her and give the poor girl a much-needed hug. Rose dropped her eyes, struggling to keep back the tears. Jack noted that Rose's hand was trembling slightly.

_Looks like the universe had a way of breaking many people at the same time_, he thought sadly, leaning over the table and squeezing Rose's hand in comfort. It clearly _wasn't_ okay, so he couldn't say _it's okay, it will be all right_. So all he did say was,

"Sometimes we just have to move on."

"Yes," Rose agreed, smiling a little. She wiped away the tears from her red-rimmed eyes and sighed. "I was- I was trying to. You know, move on. But the worst thing is, from my point of view, the universe has been worse on the Doctor than it has been on me. What-" she choked. No matter how hard she tried to keep strong, this subject was always hard to talk about. "What _happened_ to him?"

Mickey and Jack quickly exchanged glances. Then Jack spoke up in a heavy voice.

"He was locked up in a box-shaped prison called Pandorica by someone. He was forced to stay there for a long time... two thousand years, almost... unable to move a muscle, strapped onto a chair. And he was alone, Rose. I found him in the end by pure chance, but I was too late. I'm sorry. He's still the Doctor, of course, but..." he let out a long sigh, rubbing his temples. "-I think he lost his mind."

"Oh, god-" Rose's heart sank, and she gripped her cup in horror. She'd heard the term Pandorica from the Doctor himself, she'd heard that the Doctor had been locked up for a long time... but to hear it from her friends like this... she was beyond horrified. Guilt sharply prodded at her heart for a second. _Why did she have to arrive so late? _

"He's suffering from an intensive kind of trauma," Martha supplied, looking grim. "He's strong. He'll get better, but- all we could do was keep him company and help him recover his physical strength and mobility."

Mickey nodded, patting her shoulder. "The Doctor will come back. He always does. But he needs you, Rose," he paused. "...Stay with him."

"Of course I will," Rose murmured, stroking his silky hair. Then she moved on to hold his hand and lifted it to her heart. "I'll stay with him. Always. Forever."

Looking down at the Doctor's unconscious form, she was reminded of that Christmas when the Doctor had regenerated. And the Sycorax invasion. She had been so scared that the Doctor was a changed man then, but he had proven to her that he was the same and defeated the Sycorax. Then they had dinner together, him and her and Jackie and Mickey. Like a proper happy ending.

But this time, she wasn't even sure if it was possible at all. A 'happy ending'.

-Well, she would have to try her best.

So when they had moved the sleeping Doctor to a more comfortable place, a proper bed, Rose stayed with him. And taking his hand, she murmured into his ear:

"I'm here, Doctor. I'm always here. I'll be here when you wake up. You are not alone."

The Doctor stirred a little, shifted the posture of his head and slept on. Rose sat by his bedside leaned her head against his, and with a sigh, her eyes fluttered shut, too.

* * *

He was drowning in fire and darkness. Pain was consuming his heart as he stepped onto the burning ground of Gallifrey, its red grass crackling in flames. He didn't notice as the ground shifted to the red land of Mars. He simply watched, horror and fury building up in his heart, as people screamed in terror and ran. Death was everywhere...

_No, I have to save them. I can't just stand back like this! I have to- I have-_

He clutched his throat in fear, unable to speak. Then he heard quiet footsteps approaching him from behind. He spun around, expecting to see a Dalek or the Flood- but coming face-to-face with the man he feared the most. Himself, as the man who fought in the Time War. He slowly backed away, a terrified scream caught in his throat. The old, weary man was advancing on him, a gun in his hand.

"What I did was in the name of peace and sanity."

"No, no, no, no, you are wrong, _no-"_

"_And look what you have done in the name of the Doctor_."

The man suddenly blurred and shifted his form- into himself. This very incarnation. He was wearing an orange spacesuit, like he had done so on Mars, and was grinning like a madman. Insane. Drenched in blood and pain. The Time Lord Victorious, forged from the fire and death.

"Once upon a time there were people in charge of those laws, but they died. They all died. Do you know who that leaves? Me! It's taken me all these years to realise the Laws of Time are mine, and they will obey _me_!" he laughed, his eyes flashing with madness. "And look at me. I am _you, _Time Lord. Destroyer of Worlds."

"NO!" the Doctor screamed, lashing his arm out. The moment he made contact with his counterpart, everything disappeared, including him. He chocked as darkness crashed down around him, erasing everything. Pitch-black dark engulfed him, and he was drowning, it was so cold and dark and alone, he needed someone to stop him- _what had he done?_

The darkness morphed.

He blinked.

_The Stormcage. _

_He watched, hands in his pockets, watching silently with hardened eyes as the renowned prison fell. Flames were crackling wildly, lapping up the remains of it. Electronic security scanners were no more than chunks of metal rolling on the ground. He glanced at the handcuffs they had forced on him and easily soniced it off. It fell on the floor with a loud clatter. Storm perpetually raged overhead._

_A prison in the 52nd century of the highest security, according to the original timelines, it should have housed thousands of highly dangerous criminals. Instead, something had triggered a change on the timelines, altering some things. Stormcage had changed irreversably; now established due to an unknown reason, it had captured perfectly innocent people, imprisoned, tortured, experimented on them endlessly. _

_He tried to fix the timelines, but he couldn't. He had no choice but to go there and stop their cruelty. Stormcage fell. They tried to capture him, of course, but he was the Doctor; nothing stopped him. He helped every innocent prisoners escape and return to their home planet, and then came back here. He didn't know why he had come back. He just felt like it. _

_An image of Bowie Base One, burning, flashed before his eyes; he clasped them tight and shook the memory away. No. He was the Doctor, and he wasn't going to look back. It was a mistake. A _mistake_. He wasn't going to feel guilty about it all. He just had to run, just as he had done before, time and again... after the Time War..._

_All of a sudden, he heard someone chuckle menacingly. He looked down. A disarmed guard, his hands bound behind his back, was sprawled on the ground right beside his feet. Insanity glinted in his eyes as he lifted his head to stare at the Doctor. The corners of his lips quirked up into a grin, and then he started laughing again. Fire crackled around them. The last remains of the Stormcage burst into fire._

_"I should have known," the man rasped. "I _should_ have known. The Oncoming Storm. They've warned about you."_

_"Ah. So you know me. Hello," the Doctor replied sarcastically. "I'm the Doctor. And that means your fun time is over. But I guess you would have already noticed. Capturing innocent people like that! In case you're asking, I'm not giving your gang a ride home, find your own-"_

_"Unfortunately, it seems they're a bit late to get you," the man continued, rolling onto his back as if he had heard nothing. He laughed again, his voice sharper and higher than ever. "So the Doctor doesn't know! The Doctor in the TARDIS doesn't know, doesn't know! He doesn't know why we exist! He doesn't know that we were created because of him!"_

_The Doctor froze, and turned his steely gaze towards the man. "Excuse me?"_

_"Stormcage. A prison meant to cage the storm. Don't you understand?" the man grinned, a droplet of blood trickling from his forehead to his cheek. "Time Lord Victorious, Meddler of Time, Threat to the Universe. We know. We always know. The Universe echoes and shudders. You have broken the Shadow Proclamation, Storm. The Laws of Time has been disregarded by its creator. And now we are coming." _

_The Doctor's eyes widened. His hearts skipped a beat. Time Lord Victorious._

_They knew. _

_Almost by instinct, he took a step back. And another. Then he abruptly turned around and ran towards the TARDIS. The terrible man was laughing uncontrollably now. _

_"RUN!" he yelled. "Run as much as you want, Time Lord. You are dangerous. The Universe is afraid of you. We are scared. We are going to stop you. A prison has been prepared, one more perfect than this one. And you shall be sentenced! The prison will close with four knocks!"_

_Four knocks._

No, no, no, no, no, that can't be happening, he wasn't ready yet, no one was going to catch him, he was the Doctor, he always ran, always won, nothing's going to stop him!_ The Doctor pulled a few knobs here and there in a frantic manner, turned a handle there, pushed two buttons, set the coordinates to the Vortex, got the console working, when the Cloister Bell started ringing. He froze. His eyes widened. Did he really just think that nothing could stop him? Hadn't he learned from the Bowie Base One incidnet? _What had he been thinking?

_What kind of monster was he turning into?_

_The image of Adelaide Brooke flashed before his eyes. The suicide. He was the cause for that. And Bowie Base One. It fell in flames. The twisted timelines and the Stormcage. He was the reason why the timelines had been altered so horribly. He wasn't being the Doctor... he was just an idiot who traveled in a box and saved people. Now he was trying to control. He couldn't have that. _

_So he ran. _

_Trying to remember the man he used to be, he traveled far and wide, away from his mistakes, away, away. He saw the Phosphorous Carousel of the Great Magellan Gestadt, saved a planet from the Red Carnivorous Maw, named a galaxy Alison. He ran and ran and ran. Never stop. Never look back. _

_Weeks passed. Nothing was happening. He almost felt silly. That guard at Stormcage- he had no reason to believe him, did he?_

_Feeling better, he decided to go back to being the Doctor. Saving planets and galaxies and the universe with his own wit and intelligence. If he went back to doing that, the Time Lord Victorious could be left in the past, forgotten by everyone in the Universe. Fine! _

_So when he received a Silurian distress call from the Stonehenge, he, of course, decided to investigate. Helping a lost Silurian return to his- or her- home. A normal day for the Doctor, right? Setting the coordinates, he grinned._

_Besides, what could possibly happen there?_

* * *

**A/N: Long time no see, thanks for the long wait! Please review if you want a quick update of the next chapter :)**


	9. Chapter 9: The Pain Addiction

**A/N: That was quite an amazing response to the last chapter :) **

**Chapter 9**

**The Pain Addiction**

* * *

_"What are you?" the Doctor whispered, holding his sonic up against the mysterious box-shaped prison. The Pandorica. He had only heard of it- that it contained the most dangerous creature of the entire universe. But he hadn't expected to find it _here, _under the Stonehenge, apparently emitting a Silurian Distress Signal. _

_"Nothing makes sense! Nothing! Layers and layers of security protocols. Deadlocks, time stops, matter lines, and they are..." he paused. "being disabled. The Pandorica is opening." _

_His right hand, holding the sonic, fell back down from the surface of the box. An inexplicable chill went down his back. What could need all that? What could get past all that? What was emitting a distress signal designed for a Silurian? What could inspire that level of fear? The Creature in the Pandorica... what could it possibly be?_

_He went absolutely still. His eyes widened. ...Oh. He was thick. He was so thick!_

_Clenching his teeth together, he spun around to make a run for the TARDIS. But he immediately realized that he was too late._

_"There was a goblin, or a trickster, or a warrior. A nameless, terrible thing, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it, or reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world. And then a good wizard tricked it," a voice said. A woman loomed out from the shadows, her footsteps echoing within the Underhenge. "So we meet again, Doctor. I've been informed of your recent change of attitude towards the Universe."_

_The trap. Sliding into place._

_"Architect of the Shadow Proclamation," the Doctor whispered hoarsely. Then he immediately spun around and pointed his sonic at the TARDIS parked nearby. The TARDIS shimmered, and then faded from view. It had gone a second out of sync; it would stay that way for at least a thousand years unless he unlocked it himself. _

_The Architect almost seemed amused. "Oh. Really. So you thought we had come for the TARDIS. But we don't want the TARDIS. We want you. An Alliance has been formed against you, Doctor. We shall protect the universe from your meddlings."_

_"No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. I am not dangerous. I am _not_ your enemy that you should be afraid of," the Doctor insisted. He took a step back, and his hearts sank when a horde of Judoons, an army of Cybermen, an army of Sontarans, and an army of Silurians materialized into view. He was cornered. A pair of Judoon soldiers grabbed his arms. His eyes widened with terror and fury as he started struggling against their harsh grip. _

_"How can you lot be together? Let me go. Let me go right now!" _

_"Breaking the Laws of Time threatens the continued existence of the reality. All projections correlate. All evidence concurs. The Doctor will destroy the universe at this rate," the Cyber-Leader stated in a hollow mechanic tone. "You must be prevented. You cannot be allowed to continue."_

_"The Doctor. The man who keeps running, never looking back because he dare not," the Silurian General declared, moving over to the Pandorica. "A man who doesn't look back on his past is dangerous. But today, the Alliance will make you look back. Look back on what you've done, and repent."_

_"This Pandorica has been specifically designed to keep you alive as a punishment," the Architect said. "The trial has been held in your absence. Although what you do is normally not our concern, the Laws of Time are an exception. We understand that it's your race that created it, but it does not mean that you being a Time Lord enables you to control them. A punishment was needed. You have been scanned, assessed, understood, Doctor. Your limits and capacities have been extrapolated. We have sufficient evidence to conclude that the best way to stop you is to imprison you... and to make you remember, over and over. You will look back. And your regret and your memories will teach you. That is the punishment we have agreed upon."_

_"The Pandorica has been prepared," the Sontaran announced, cocking his gun. The Doctor's breathing was harsh and ragged. His eyes were wide with terror, and he struggled against their grip, shouting at the top of his voice as he was dragged over to the prison. His prison. _

_"No, please! You can't do this! You don't have to, I'm sorry, you know I'd never, I—"_

_"I'm sorry, Doctor, but we can't take risks with you," the Architect of the Shadow Proclamation replied in a curt voice. She turned away and ordered. "Close the Pandorica."_

_"NO! No, no, no, no, no…" the Doctor screamed, but his voice died out as the Pandorica was sealed, leaving him alone in that utter, terrible darkness. Despair surged in his heart. He knew that the prison cell would keep him alive for all eternity to come. And worse, there was no one to rescue him; not anymore. __The Deadlocks, the Time Stops, the Matter Lines were reactivated with loud, clanging noise. Four bangs, to be exact. Four... knocks. _

_He realized that _this _was the end of his song. Not the way he had expected it to be, but none the better. __Crying out softly, he struggled against the restraints in vain. The restraints only got stronger, clamping around his head, shoulders and arms so hard that it hurt. He slumped back onto his chair, feeling his heart sink. No. His eyes fluttered shut as he concentrated as a last resort._

_'Concentrate! Assume I'm going to win. Always assume that. Imagine I've already won. I broke out of the prison successfully. But how did that happen? How? There's a storm room in my mind. Lock the door and think! Open my storm room. I always imagine that I'm back in my Tardis, showing off, telling my friend how I escaped, making her laugh. But-'_

_He gulped._

_But the problem was, no one was there anymore. Rose. Martha. Jack. Sarah Jane. Donna. Everyone. They were gone, one way or another, and he was alone, all by himself. _

_And he was nothing without an audience._

All my fault,_ a voice whispered in his head. _Perhaps he deserved it_._

_He shook his head vigorously, trying to shake the thoughts away. He coughed slightly, trying to figure out a way to get out. _Then back to the TARDIS, and… damn!_ He cursed silently as he realized that the sonic screwdriver won't work from the inside of the Pandorica. Well, whatever. He couldn't reach it anyway. He sighed. So they were trying to make him repent, right? Look back on his past and think about it for all eternity to come. _

_Yeah, that was _so_ going to happen. He was the Doctor; they couldn't force him into doing anything. Although this prison was impossible to break out, it was quite easy to break in. (Any prison was.) So all he had to do was enter a self-induced coma, have a good night's sleep, and wake up thousands of years later when a human far too curious for his own good stumbles upon this box-like prison._

_Worrying his lower lip with his teeth, he focused on slowing down his heartbeats. In a few minutes, he would enter a coma..._

_And then, he froze. _

_He could feel a prickling sensation right next to his head... a pair of needles had just punctured his temples. Injecting something. __Pain and fear fluttered in his guts. He was scared. What was it? What was happening now? Superior Time Lord senses and all, he could literally feel the transparent liquid being injected into his system. Filling his vein up with an unknown chemical. He breathed harshly, trying to figure out what it was, but came up with nothing._

_He only realized what it was when a ghostly image of Adric, his dead companion, flashed up from nowhere and stayed right before his eyes. He let out a strangled cry in horror and struggled even more furiously against his restraints. It was too late. His surroundings were morphing into a different world, a red planet with its Bowie Base One and Adelaide Brooke. He howled out in fury and snapped shut his eyes, but he could still see it, confirming his worst, sickening fear. _

_A hallucinogen. A _bloody_ hallucinogen! How could they? How dare they? They were pumping a hallucinogenic drug right into his system, foiling his attempt at the self-induced coma and preventing a self-induced regeneration process. And it was forcibly dragging his memories out from his mind and displaying them before his eyes to see. Forcing him to think back. His heart stabbed with guilt as he ignored Adric's dead form and Rose's accusing glare and gave another try at metabolizing the substance. He cursed when he failed. He was being quickly overpowered by the chemical. _

_Days passed. Weeks. Years._

_His limbs were numb. Soon enough, sanity started to bleed together and memory started to blur. Time was quickly losing its meaning as he was dragged off into his hallucinogen-induced nightmares. He blinked heavily, opening his mouth to say something, to _scream, _but forgot what he was trying to do and closed it back again. His eyelids drooped._

_And with a one last struggle, he finally lost his grip on the reality. _

* * *

He woke up screaming. He screamed and screamed, jolting up into an upright position and tearing the white sheet- which was entangled with his arms and legs- off his body. Someone cried out and grabbed his left shoulder, but he was hyperventilating and he didn't _care _and only felt more fear. Blood was pounding in his ears. He didn't even realize that someone was with him at all, but was only focused at getting away, running, running.

"Get off, get off!" he cried out, and with a wrench, managed to thrust away the hand gripping at his shoulder. The momentum sent him off balance; he stumbled and fell and banged his head against the wall. Pain shot through his head. He gasped, clambering off the bed and standing to stare at the wall.

He had no idea what was going on or where he was as panic and loathing and despair tore at him like a firestorm. A momentary delirium and a terrible urge to flee seized him. Nightmare was everywhere. Nightmare was clawing at his feet, climbing up his legs, waving at him from the edge of his vision. He was trapped in the nightmare. He felt as if the ground he was standing on was dissolving into a horrible, tar-black swamp. And he was drowning. He _knew_ it wasn't real, but then, what was real and what wasn't? He gnashed his teeth together in agony and ran his fingers through the wild mop of his hair. Then his eyes snapped open again. They were gleaming with madness and desperation.

_Pain_ was real.

_Bang._ Immediately, he slammed his head against the wall. Oh, the bliss of it! Pain blossomed in his head, and the wall- it was solid. It was _real_.

...And it almost felt sweet. So addictive. The Doctor's vision swam and his head spun, but he didn't care in the slightest. The shock inflicted on his head was giving him one hell of a nausea- but dizziness never stopped an alcoholic from taking another swig of wine, did it? And nothing was going to stop him now. He took a shuddering breath and launched himself forward again.

_Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang._

"This is real, this is real, this is real..." he muttered to himself and brown locks tumbled down into his view. Blood was flowing freely from his forehead, trickling down his nose, sick and sticky and red. He didn't care. He slammed his head against the wall again. And again. And again. Oh, how he loved the pain, a testimony that he wasn't trapped in his dreams anymore. His knees shook, but he didn't care, right? A quiet sob escaped his mouth as he realized the terrible truth.

_No_. He wanted to stop...

But he couldn't.

A familiar sense of insecurity and helplessness gnawed at his guts, making him feel sick at himself. Wow. Just what he needed. Not only wasn't he able to help others, he couldn't even help himself. He was addicted to pain- it was his lifeline connecting him to reality- and that scared him out of his wits. He desperately wished that he could stop. But he had no control of his body as it repeatedly threw itself at the wall in an automatic motion.

_Bang._ **Someone.** _Bang_. **Stop**. _Bang._ -**Me,** **_please_!**

"-Doctor, stop!"

Rose's voice shot through the darkness of the nightmares, the haze of pain, the nausea, everything- and froze him short. She saw her chance in that split second of hesitation and leapt on him. She securely wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. With all her might and effort, she pulled him towards the floor. Finally, his legs gave way and they came tumbling down to the floor. The Doctor blinked away the blood and the dizziness. He found himself sprawled down on the floor, and Rose was on him, gripping the front of his jim-jams and sobbing uncontrollably.

Oh. Oh, Rassilion.

Finally having returned to his senses, he felt guilt and gratitude flash through him. He lifted his tremblng hand and gently placed it on the back of her head. Then he pressed her head against his chest, hugging her tight. His body racked with sobs. He had hurt her again. And she had held onto him again. How could he ever repay this debt?

Lying there, he cried. She cried, too. They stayed like that for some time until the sobs died out.

"I'm sorry," Rose choked out at last, lifting her tearstained face to look at him. The Doctor blinked rapidly and drew in a shuddering breath.

"I'm sorry, too," he repeated, cupping her cheek and planting a quick kiss on her lips. She closed her eyes. So many words were left unsaid. They didn't need to be said to be understood. So they lied there and lapsed into silence, absolutely still, content in listening to each other's heartbeats.

-Finally, it was Jack's voice that brought them back.

"Doctor."

The Doctor looked up, his back against the floor, and saw Jack's hand outstretched towards him. He glanced upwards to see his face. His eyes were heartbroken, too, but there was a tired smile on his lips. He wriggled his hand.

"Take it," he said. "Let's get you patched up upstairs."

He didn't tell him off for harming himself and hurting Rose like that. In fact, Jack didn't say anything about it. The Doctor felt a wave of gratitude wash over him again. _Okay_, he said in a hoarse voice. And then he took Jack's hand. It was big and strong and reliable. It was warm. The Doctor gripped it tightly, and Jack helped the Doctor hoist himself and Rose up from the floor. After stumbling a little, the three of them were back on their feet. The Doctor then realized that it was only them- him, Jack and Rose- in this room.

The old Team TARDIS. Back together in the most convoluted way possible, but together nontheless. He could have laughed, either in joy or in irony.

Instead, he simply said, "Thank you."

Jack gave him a genuine smile this time.

* * *

"That's a nasty wound, mister," Martha Jones-Smith scolded the Doctor as she put a bandage on his forehead after applying ointment. The Doctor flinched in pain and sheepishly grinned up at her. Martha smacked his hands. "Don't you do it again next time."

"I'll try not to if I can. Oh, did I just say that? I mean, I won't. Sorry," the Doctor chuckled sadly as he touched the bandage. He winced. "Owwww. That hurts. I guess that'll teach me to take more care. Anyway, good job, Doctor Jones. Brilliant as always."

Martha didn't bother point out that she was Doctor 'Jones-Smith' now. She stared at him, amazed to hear that voice again. And he was giving her a proper smile- not the empty one, too. Not to mention that his eyes were almost as lucid as they had been before. Sure, the Doctor was still a broken man- a fit of self-harm and the bleeding forehead told that much- but he was getting better, if only a little. He was coming back.

It was a miracle.

So she smiled happily and threw her arms around his neck. The Doctor looked surprised and lifted his hands. He shot a mischievous grin at Mickey. "Permission to hug, Rickey?"

"It's Mickey! And yes, I'll give you a special pass just this time. Kidding, you can hug her anytime you want, Doc," Mickey replied. The Doctor groaned and rolled his eyes at Jack while he hugged Martha back.

"You're being a bad influence around people. If my memory serves me correct..." he paused for a brief moment here, sounding unsure. "You were the one who insisted on calling me with that ridiculously abbreviated version. I'm not 'Doc', I'm the _Doctor_." Or was he? The Doctor heals people. He couldn't. He only destroyed them. He winced and pushed that thought away from his mind. His poorly jumbled mind.

Jack, unaware of the Doctor's thoughts, smiled reassuringly at him. "Yes, I'm the one who started it, and I've got no intention of taking it back. 'Doc' goes well with your pretty face."

"No flirting, Captain," Rose warned, giggling slightly. Her eyes were still slightly swollen, but she was feeling okay otherwise. She scuffled the Doctor's hair and gave her signature tongue-in-between-teeth grin. "And I think a nice dinner is in order. I'm famished, and I think the Doctor is, too."

As if in reply, the Doctor's stomach rumbled, and they all laughed as the Doctor ducked his head, his face red from embarrassment. Then he glanced up at them and gave a sheepish grin. It was one glorious moment. Jack pulled out his phone and gave a quick call before looking over his shoulder at them.

"Ianto and Gwen are bringing in Chinese. It's pretty okay," Jack said. "Nice, actually. I think it'll take about... twenty minutes."

"So what do we do?" Mickey spoke up thoughtlessly, leaning back against the wall and taking Martha's hand. "Play 'I spy'?"

The Doctor sat down on the sofa next to Rose. The initial exchange of banter and jokes, and the lighthearted joy that came from it, was quickly wearing off. Rose noticed that he was lapsing back into silence, his face getting darker as he brooded on. His fingers were twitching restlessly, as if he was debating with himself. Others didn't seem to notice. Whatever subject he was having an inner conflict on, it seemed to be important, so she just took his hand to offer him support and didn't disturb him in any other way.

Finally, he lifted his head, his eyes full of determination. The entire room stilled as he spoke up.

"Twenty minutes, right?" he sighed. He was so scared, he hated this, but... he knew he had to face it someday. Today was a pretty good day, so... why not? He messed up his own hair and stared at the floor. After hesitating for a brief second, he continued.

"I guess... it's time you knew what really happened."

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter? The Doctor's confession! Ha. The flow isn't too smooth this chapter, but it's because the Doctor's head is a mess. Goes straight from Nice-and-Happy-Mood to Brood-and-Gloom, that one. I wonder what will happen when he finds out why his duplicate died.**


	10. Chapter 10: I'm the King of Okay

**A/N: Thanks for all your reviews. I especially appreciate the constructive criticisms. There has been a comment pointing out that the Doctor seems to be recovering rather _too_ quickly- and I agree. So here's this chapter; hope it's a bit better.**

**Chapter 10**

* * *

_"I guess... it's time you knew what really happened."_

Jack nearly dropped the cup he was holding. He looked up, startled. "What? No, _no,_ you don't have to, Doc!"

He had seen the Doctor have a terrible breakdown at the slightest reminder of his past; hell, he'd just seen him banging his head on the wall till he was _bleeding_.

Yes, well, Rose had helped him come back to his senses after that. And he'd managed to climb up the stairs, allowed himself to get patched up by Martha, _and _have a fairly lucid conversation. But Jack knew that the Doctor wasn't all right, no... far from it. The Time Lord was horribly traumatized, and the fit of self-harm had only weakened his physical condition. His gaze flitted downwards- yes, the Doctor's hands were still visibly trembling.

The Doctor was aware of this, too, and he felt a pang of embarrassment shoot through his mind. Why did he have to be so weak? Why couldn't he just, get over his past? In a stubborn attempt to hide his trembling hand, he placed his left hand on his right one and squeezed it to keep it still. Looking up, he ground out in a steely, stubborn tone.

"I _have_ to. I can't run away anymore." _I shouldn't, I shouldn't, they will come and get me again!..._ his voice got lost somewhere in his throat. _Helpless, weak, good for bloody nothing!_

"Doctor, please, listen to Jack. You shouldn't be too hard on yourself. It has been hard enough for you all this time. We can wait," Rose pleaded and placed her hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down. The Doctor's gaze dropped, and he drew in a shuddering breath.

"I'm not a kid. You don't need to _protect_ me!" he insisted, feeling bitter. They were giving him a sympathetic look, and he hated it. _He_ was the one who was supposed to be protecting them. He knew it was a childish thought, but it was the truth. A very complicated truth. He needed to be taken care of, he knew it and he _wanted_ them to help him; nontheless, his pride was awfully hurt by having to admit it.

He wanted more than anything to just... get over what had happened as fast as possible, and then run away with Rose on the TARDIS. Fast. Far. Away, away, away from the horrible memories, the humiliating _now_. His head was spinning, and he grabbed Rose's other hand for support. His grip tightened momentarily, and Rose immediately looked at him in alarm, to see if he needed help. He squeezed his eyes shut to avoid her tender gaze.

It was his mistake.

_Rose. Arkytior. Susan Foreman. Oh, sweet Susan. I'm so sorry._ His mind immediately plunged into the darkness, skipping from one thought to another at a dizzying speed, and he felt like throwing up. Yes, he'd run before, didn't he? He had left his granddaughter behind with her lover on Earth, not looking back even once. He'd hoped that she would lead a happy, settled life- something he could never have.

And how had that ended up? She died, and her son died too. All because of the Daleks. If he had let her stay with him, she might have lived. It was all his fault. His. Yes, Rose, too- _why_ was she here? He had left her with his metacrisis copy in another universe. The mere fact that she was here with him spoke volumes; that it hadn't worked out at all. She had been unhappy there, so she had come back. He had caused her pain again, first time by leaving her behind, and next time by letting her down like this.

_Now_ he knew. Everything he touched turned to dust. Running away didn't help.

He let out a ragged breath and opened his eyes. The room was quiet like hell, and they were watching him anxiously. The Doctor noticed that his hands were in his hair, his legs pulled up to his chest in a self-protective gesture. How long had he zoned out from the reality? Nine minutes? Ten? He'd thought he was getting better, but he wasn't. He felt ashamed- disoriented... no, both. Definitely both. _No, no, no, Doctor, concentrate, you are losing it again._

"Doctor," Rose tried again. The Doctor's eyes fell on her, and she felt horror creep into her heart. His pupils were heavily dilated, and he was breathing harshly, his chest rising and falling rapidly. His hands were shuddering again. He was seemingly unaware of everything. She knew the Doctor, and she knew it when something was wrong. She couldn't explain _how_ she knew- she just did. This wasn't just a panic attack, or symptoms of PTSD.

Taking hold of his hand, she started in a soft voice. "It'll be all right, Doctor. Calm down. I'm here. We are all here." Then she turned to Martha and said in a quiet voice, "Martha, I think we have a problem that we don't know about. I'm not an expert on this, but I don't think two thousand years' imprisonment would do this to him. I mean, he could have entered a self-induced healing coma, but he didn't. Why would that be? _There was something else_."

The Doctor was still breathing hard, curling in on himself. Martha looked at him, her eyes wide from shock.

"I've never thought of the possibility. You are right. Why?" Rose stepped back as Martha came forward, gently pulling a chair near to the sofa. She sat down and took the half-unconscious Time Lord's pulse. It was too fast, even by his standard. Wait. She felt dread creep up her heart. Oh. _Oh_. Everything was clicking into place- the clues. _Why didn't he enter a coma to save himself from the pain?_

Rapid, intense emotional swings and seeing images, hearing sounds, and feeling sensations that seem real but are not. Hallucination, memory loss, extreme panic, fear, anxiety, invulnerability, aggression, disorientation, loss of coordination, dizziness, feelings of detachment from self and environment. They were all pointing towards a single conclusion, and she hadn't realized up till now. She had just attributed the symptoms to the long-time imprisonment and his alien-ness...

"Doctor," she said, struggling to keep her voice calm and controlled, "were you... _drugged_ during your time in the prison?"

The Doctor's head abruptly jerked upwards as he gasped out, "Drugs temporarily disrupting communication between neurotransmitter systems throughout the brain and spinal cord that regulate mood, sensory perception, sleep, hunger, body temperature. Hallucinogen, disassociative drug, it's in my system. Unable to metabolize. Disabling certain Time Lord biological functions such as self-induced coma or regeneration. They kept injecting it. They kept making me look_ back_! Stop it, stop it, please!"

"Oh, shit," Jack moaned. No wonder the Doctor seemed to regress even further every time he made a progress in recovery. Hallucinogens forcibly injected- that explained everything. Even Time Agency wasn't that cruel to its prisoners! Who were those_ bastards_ that had so extensively tortured the Time Lord? And how could he, Jack, be so goddamn thick? He hadn't known... hadn't even _suspected _that something was wrong...

What should they do?

Rose's hands flew to her mouth in horror. Martha paled considerably, too, but she was a doctor; she knew she needed to keep everything controlled. So, as much as her heart broke, she placed her hand on his head and inhaled deeply. "Oh god... I'm so sorry, Doctor, I really am."

After that, she immediately spun around and pointed at Jack and Mickey. "Mickey, take him to the TARDIS med bay. We need to stabilize his condition _without the sedatives- _only the TARDIS can do that. Jack, go to that damned box and find the remaining drug. He had been drugged for such a long time, he lost the ability to metabolize it. It's still in his system, and it's the thing that's driving him mad. We are going to find out what it is... and we are going to fight it. Rose, keep close to him."

"God, he's too light. He was heavier than this on Christmas," Mickey breathed out in shock, easily hauling him over his shoulder. Rose blinked back tears, but froze in shock when he opened his eyes and looked at her with eyes clouded in pain.

"What's going on?" he mumbled, hanging awkwardly over Mickey's shoulder. It would have looked funny if... if things weren't so terrible. He squinted at Rose and smiled weakly. "I seem to have zoned out a bit. I remember Jack saying that Ianto and Gwen were bringing in Chinese- and then Mickey the Idiot's carrying me over his back. Gosh, I'm starving... maybe craving. Rose? Rose?" He looked alarmed. He squinted. "Why are you crying? Did something happen?"

Only then did she realize that tears were rolling down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away and smiled tearfully. She held out her hand and gripped his reassuringly.

"No, I'm okay. What about you?"

"Me? Of course I'm okay, too. I'm the king of okay..." he grinned weakly.

_Liar_. They were both lying, and she knew it. Both of them were far from okay, and they were lying, for each other's sake. She could have laughed in bitter irony, but she didn't. Instead, when they reached the TARDIS med bay and Mickey gently placed him on the examination table, she reached out and hugged him. He seemed to be frozen in surprise for a moment before laughing a little and hugging back. They stayed like that for some time, until Martha and Jack joined them.

Because, obviously... hugging was the best way of hiding one's face.

Hearing about his past would have to wait.

* * *

**A/N: I know, sorry, it's horribly confusing, but I couldn't help it. The Doctor's drugged, and he's having awful mood swings- he's the confused one, and this chapter simply reflected his current condition. ****But I_'ll_ revise this chapter later. **

**I don't think his confession would come too easily. **

**Please review:)**


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